Add - Blog Posts

What if I wrote a smau Hawks x reader AU where Hawks is a baseball player and the reader is a dancer.

What then.

Just do your best that’s all anyone can ask for…

But Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way…

Today was the first two days of my collage classes, and one is okay, but the other one is a lot like my mentally unstable history teacher from 8th grade. I won’t go into too much detail but it was literal hell for me. And when I went up to him to tell him about my disabilities, he said, “You don’t look autistic, fill out this disability form and then I’ll help you, until then you’re on your own.”

I’m feeling my anxiety spiking and I just hope that we got off on the wrong foot, and the rest of the year will be okay… 😰

You know what’s really annoying about having mental issues and learning disorders? My ADD makes me forget to write words for sentences. So when I’m writing things like “She walked the house, taking placed steps as a the floor creaked beneath her.” When really I’m trying to say, “She walked into the house, taking careful placed steps as the floor creaked beneath her.” It’s so freaking annoying for a writer like me. I have to re read my work so many times just because I don’t know if I made a mistake but even then I still read over my mistakes and they don’t register in my brain fast enough for me

Bart has DID theory

Aha this is a long one... Adding onto my post a little bit ago cause I was on the train and didn't have enough rant energy-

Bart has eidetic memory, or Hyperthymesia, or photographic memory, whatever works for you. He remembers everything he's ever read, seen, or heard, but in some of the comic strips, it's him being confused about a certain series or event that happened, like he didn't recall it almost, which is almost impossible due to his advanced memory. One of the most common symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder is memory gaps when in a different personality. You have no idea how excited I am about this cause I have DID and positive representation, yes please. When I find the comic strips I'm talking about I'll repost and add them in but I'm on a rampage rn. Not even sorry.

Bart is known to have mood swings throughout the entire Impulse series, where he gets grumpy or pouty, things like that, but that childish nature could actually be a personality. He could feel robbed of his childhood since he couldn't "live it" due to his situation growing up, so he creates an entire persona to live like a child in his teenage body. Everyone always brushes it off to him being "a speedster", and the fact that he is ALSO supposed to represent a character with Autism and his ADHD plus ADD, it all kinda adds up, because he switches into this person sometimes that's sarcastic and has a more bleak outlook. He still is always there for his friends, even if they underappreciate the HECK out of him, but it wouldn't make sense in the sense that he's silly only because of his Hyper-changing Autism. AUTISM ISN'T A PERSONALITY PEOPLE. Honestly? The excuse that it's because he's a speedster doesn't add up either. Being a speedster can make him bored easily and he has a hyperglycemia diet where he has to eat full meals every two hours, but it doesn't explain why he so suddenly shifts into entirely new moods. being moody is one thing, but being Bart is a whole new can of worm on strings.

I think one of the biggest things to show this is when Jerico shot his knee using the body of Deathstroke. Before the incident, he never wanted to take up Wally's mantle because he thought it was disrespectful and he didn't deserve it, but after he was shot he took no hesitation in taking up the suit. That entire comic screwed me over because: 1, no one touches my baby Bart. 2, everyone was so rude to him like 24/7?? To BART of all people. 3, that gunshot would've done a LOT more damage then what they diagnosed him. A SHOTGUN was TWO INCHES from his knee and blast him from that space and they gave him a prosthetic kneecap? Excuse me, there'd be nothing LEFT to ATTATCH IT TO, but that's a rant for another time. What I'm getting at here is he wanted to exact his revenge on Jerico, which is typical, I would too if someone capped my knee. But he read the ENTIRE SAN FRANSICO LIBRARY IN ONE SITTING!! Bart, who HATES sitting in one place reading anything that isn't a comic read an entire LIBARAY and not some normal one, this one was MASSIVE. He learned everything about the human nervous system and used it against Slade to his advantage, before it was revealed it was actually Jerico.

SO, he took on the Kid FLash mantle, something he said he wouldn't do. He read an entire library in one sitting, something he wouldn't noramlly do. He became incredibly serious about his mission, something he normally isn't. His kid Flash persona is not him. His trauma from the experience added with his stress must've forced a new one to form, since he already Had his "Impulse" persona it was easy.

Bart Allen has DID and no one can change my mind.

I was diagnosed with Dsygraphia and ADD in second grade and I only found out that I had Dsygraphia in seventh grade(my parents knew but I didn’t) and my sister is an excellent artist so I understand.

*sad sigh*

I always get depressed when I remember that I can’t draw. I wish it was something like “Oh I’m just bad at drawing” but I physically can’t, no matter how hard I try. The sad part about it is that it haunts me even today. I have a rare neurological disorder called “Dysgraphia" 

What is Dysgraphia? 

To put it in simple terms it is the inability for a person to match the image in their head to paper. It has also been described as a "A memory problem on the microsecond level.” Some people describe it as a motor skill deficiency.

What many people don’t know is the act of writing is actually a memory task. You are remembering the shape of a letter and writing it. We auto correct our writing to match our first letter. That way your first letter and last letter should be written in the same “style” and shape. The brain remembers how you wrote your letter or shape and adjusts your muscles to continue writing in that same style. All this information happens in a fraction of a second. 

For people like myself, our brains cannot adjust to match each letter or shape. The result being that every letter and shape and line is different and sometimes incorrect. Spelling mistakes occur frequently in people who have dysgraphia. Often being told that they are “bad spellers” the problem is that their brains have processed the next letter already but the motor skill hasn’t caught up and they leave out letters. 

There are currently no known cures for the condition and as a whole it is ignored. Simply told to “practice writing” in hope that the brain will remember how to correctly write. The condition is listed as a type of dyslexia but is considered to be rather unimportant. The current best “treatment” is to use a word processor or computer. “Finding alternate methods of communication”. Which basically means “Its not important enough for us to care about." 

Being a kid I was always teased and scolded by people for my "bad handwriting” my teachers would complain to my parents about how I was a “sloppy” writer. I was labeled "lazy" and “unorganized” because I couldn’t write well. Which frustrated me because I would write as slow as I could in an effort to make it legible. Often I would be the last to turn in my assignment and it would be incomplete or I would have cramps in my hands and ended up quitting. Believing me to be retarded or mentally challenged I was subjected to tests from the school. 

The school basically threw their hands up. It didn’t make sense. Writing and drawing I was nearly inept at but when it came to reading and speaking I was performing way above other students in the class. The other students picked up on it and would often exaggerate the extent they couldn’t read my writing and I was the last one to be picked for “pictionary”. Becoming more and more frustrated, I just stopped participating and choosed to read instead. The older I got the more I was scolded for my handwriting. Often told “You write like a elementary kid!” I often wouldn’t turn in reports I had to write. It gets more frustrating when people tell you “it isn’t that hard” to fix it. 

Do a test. Find a piece of paper (lined) and write the sentence “The quick red fox jumped over the lazy brown dog.” Chances are your hand writing is pretty consistent. Now try to write the same sentence making sure that every letter is written in a completely different way. Space your letters incorrectly. Finally, make sure to write random letters backwards. I suggest “e” “r” “f” and “q”. Next, Try to draw a line or a circle. Be sure to change the pressure so that some areas are darker than others. Curve your straight line and make a slightly straight line on your circle. It will probably take you a few moments. That is how it is for me to write or draw in a way that most people can read. Your hand is probably cramping a little too. Which is what happens when I write anytime. Over the years I’ve had to deal with it and I can ignore the pain. The thing I can’t ignore is the fact that I often can’t read my own writing. 

So I say to everyone who can draw, Don’t ever curse your gift. Have more confidence in yourself and your abilities. Because you don’t know what its like to not have them. 

You have my sword my friend. (It's here somewhere I am sure.)

[Image ID in alt text]

happy autism acceptance month

Oh yes, this is a really helpful guide. It can also be helpful to non-autistics as well! Some symptoms of ASD can also cross over to other conditions like PTSD and ADHD. It’s important to recognize your limits and know when you need to step away!

Some things that tip me off when I’m getting overloaded are on this list, but disassociation and the freeze response can also be reactions of overload too. So can becoming mono-syllabic or non-verbal.

Another important thing: don’t belittle yourself for needing a break! Everyone needs one from time to time, even neurotypicals. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, knowing how to take time for yourself in stressful situations is a sign of good boundaries and good mental health! I wish more parents taught this stuff to their kids; so many meltdowns could have been avoided.

Clues to help you figure out if an autistic friend or loved one is in overload

Overload is basically the point where our Autistic brains can no longer handle input. It's not a meltdown or shutdown, but more of a mental checkout. Frequent overloads, however, can lead to meltdowns or shutdowns.

It's important not to assume that we will have overload only in loud or busy environments. Autistic brains often process information at a much slower pace than a NT brain, so even quiet environments can cause overload if something triggers it.

Note: not every autistic experience is the same and these are general guidelines only.

Common signs of overload:

Loss of facial expression or difficulties in making facial expressions. May start to exaggerate facial expressions, too, as they are struggling to mask.

Staring off into space, easily distracted, struggling to pay attention etc.

Increased stimming.

Difficulties in speaking such as stuttering, forgetting words, mixing up sounds, or difficulty speaking at all.

May try to cover their ears, eyes etc to sensory input.

Increased sensitivities and may include new or unique sensitivities.

Headaches or feeling physically sick such as sweating, stomach ache etc.

Fellow Autistics: what signs would you like for others to know?

ADD Tip: You can change the goals on your to-do list!

As your needs and your situation change during the day, don't be afraid to cross out and replace items on your to-do list.

And if you accomplished something that wasn't on your to-do list, write it down and check it off!

This will help you maintain a more realistic idea of your productivity during the day, as well as identify any particular things that may be hindering your productivity or taking up too much of your time.

ahhhh my brother just informed me that he's been converting our dad to his taste in music and apparently one of his favorite songs now is sail by AWOLNATION