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Marvin: I wanna kick the ratatouille rat
Chase: what?
Marvin, quietly: I’ll drop kick the shit out of him
Anti: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before, are there rules?
Chase: what?
Anti: is there a point system, or is it to the death?
Jackie: you know that feeling you get to hit your siblings when they enter the room?
Anti, smacking Chase: Cain instinct
Chase: love is cheap.... but this booze is cheaper
Marvin, concerned and looking into Chase’s bottle: this is just vinegar
Jameson, signing: why are you on the floor?
Chase: I’m depressed
Chase: also Anti stabbed me can you get Henrik?
Henrik, frantically looking through a first-aid kit: why did you fill it with Cheetos?!
Chase, bleeding out: I dunno, I thought it was funny at the time
Chase: you have to learn to love yourself
Jameson, signing: but don’t you hate yourself?
Chase: yeah but this is about you
Chase: which country has the most birds?
Chase: Portugeese
Jackie: wait
Anti: that’s a language
Jameson, signing: Portugull
Marvin: nice recovery
Henrik: turkey, how did we miss turkey?
Jackie: ugh, that’s the last time I go drinking with you... how’s your hangover?
Chase: pfft, amateurs, I’ve already started drinking again
Marvin: Chase, it’s nine am on a Monday
Chase: I fear nothing
Chase: it takes so much money to see a therapist, but it’s free to tell yourself: “it be like that sometimes”
Henrik: what? no, stop it
Chase: I’m giving up alcohol for a month.
Henrik: really? Thats great-
Chase: oh sorry, that came out wrong
Chase: I’m giving up, alcohol for a month
Jackie, coming to in a hospital bed: what happened?
Henrik: you passed out from a fever. Do you remember anything?
Jackie: sorta? I remember the ambulance ride.
Henrik: that wasn’t an ambulance. We drove you here
Jackie: but there were sirens
Henrik: that was Chase
Jackie:
Chase, breathing into a paper bag: I will not apolagize for caring
Chase: when I get murdered, can you make sure it’s an unsolved case?
Henrik: what
Chase: I wanna be on buzzfeed unsolved
Jackie: can we go back to the part where you said ‘when’ you get murdered?
Anti: C’mere
Chase: why
Anti: just c’mere
Chase: no you’re gonna hit me
Chase: we’re playing scrabble, it’s a nightmare
JJ, signing: what? Scrabble’s so much fun!
Chase: not when you’re playing with Henrik it’s not. He puts words like ‘iridiums’ while I put ‘pig’
Marvin: it’ll be fine, you just have to seduce them.
Chase: I’m sorry, but have you seen me? I’m about as seductive as a cabbage
Chase: Anti, get off the top of the fridge.
Anti, scoffing: ok, boomer
911: what’s your emergency?
Chase: a monster broke into my house, please help
Anti: Chase we’ve been living together for three years
Chase, screaming: IT FOUND ME
Jameson: chase, there’s an online trend I have a few questions about.
Chase: sure, what is it?
Jameson: it’s about losing a ‘game’? What does it mean?
Chase: GOD DAMMIT, I JUST LOST THE GAME
*chorus of groans through the ego household*
Marvin, t-posing in the doorframe: good evening, parental figure
Chase, not looking up from his cereal: good morning, problem child.
Chase: why did the chicken cross the road?
Anti: ...why?
Chase: to get to the idiot’s house
Chase: knock knock
Anti: who’s there?
Chase: the chicken
Anti:
Chase:
Anti: I won’t stab you on one condition.
Chase: what?
Anti: go tell this joke to Jackie
Henrik: you need a hobby
Chase: I have a hobby
Henrik: being sad is not a hobby
Chase, showering peacefully, humming billie eilish:
Anti, pushing the shower curtain away: hey man- no stop screaming, it’s just me. We’re out of Cheetos, can you get some later?
Henrik: what do we say when we get anxiety?
Chase: my anxiety is chronic but my ass is iconic
Henrik:...no
Chase, poking Marvin while he’s sleeping: Marv get up
Marvin: no, I’m dead. Leave flowers and get out
Anti: what’s that infestation of tiny creatures over there?
Chase: those are children. It’s called a school.
Anti: yo chase you think I can get this egg into that cup without it cracking?
Chase: pfft, no
Anti throwing the egg at Henrik: guess you were right
If Jackieboy-man were asleep after like,,, a patrol or something, Chase would definitely be swooping a toy plane through the air whenever he snored
Chase, bored: do you think I could fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?
Schneep: you’re a hazard to society
Anti, pushing Schneep away: and a coward, try twenty!
Marvin: “I cant find my pencil.”
JBM: “Don’t worry, we’ll find it. Nothing can disappear that easily.”
Chase: “my will to live can.”
Schneep: “I have like forty ikea pencils in my backpack and like a hundred more at home.”
JJ: “how often do you go to ikea?”
S: “like every other week”
Marvin: “I will yeet you into oblivion, you reprehensible shrew.”
Anti: “I will use your heart as a margarita glass”
Schneep: I don’t think there’s a gen y, I think we absorbed them
Chase: how many weenuses do you have?
Marvin: two?
Chase: oh yeah? Well I got tWO KNEENUSSES!
*anti kicks Marvin in the back*
Marvin: “ow! You coulda paralized me!”
Anti: “well that’s life, you win some you lose some.”