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Chase Brody - Blog Posts

Marvin: I wanna kick the ratatouille rat

Chase: what?

Marvin, quietly: I’ll drop kick the shit out of him


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Anti: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before, are there rules?

Chase: what?

Anti: is there a point system, or is it to the death?


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Jackie: you know that feeling you get to hit your siblings when they enter the room?

Anti, smacking Chase: Cain instinct


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Chase: love is cheap.... but this booze is cheaper

Marvin, concerned and looking into Chase’s bottle: this is just vinegar


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Jameson, signing: why are you on the floor?

Chase: I’m depressed

Chase: also Anti stabbed me can you get Henrik?


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Henrik, frantically looking through a first-aid kit: why did you fill it with Cheetos?!

Chase, bleeding out: I dunno, I thought it was funny at the time


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Chase: you have to learn to love yourself

Jameson, signing: but don’t you hate yourself?

Chase: yeah but this is about you


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Chase: which country has the most birds?

Chase: Portugeese

Jackie: wait

Anti: that’s a language

Jameson, signing: Portugull

Marvin: nice recovery

Henrik: turkey, how did we miss turkey?


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Jackie: ugh, that’s the last time I go drinking with you... how’s your hangover?

Chase: pfft, amateurs, I’ve already started drinking again

Marvin: Chase, it’s nine am on a Monday

Chase: I fear nothing


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Chase: it takes so much money to see a therapist, but it’s free to tell yourself: “it be like that sometimes”

Henrik: what? no, stop it


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Chase: I’m giving up alcohol for a month.

Henrik: really? Thats great-

Chase: oh sorry, that came out wrong

Chase: I’m giving up, alcohol for a month


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Jackie, coming to in a hospital bed: what happened?

Henrik: you passed out from a fever. Do you remember anything?

Jackie: sorta? I remember the ambulance ride.

Henrik: that wasn’t an ambulance. We drove you here

Jackie: but there were sirens

Henrik: that was Chase

Jackie:

Chase, breathing into a paper bag: I will not apolagize for caring


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Chase: when I get murdered, can you make sure it’s an unsolved case?

Henrik: what

Chase: I wanna be on buzzfeed unsolved

Jackie: can we go back to the part where you said ‘when’ you get murdered?


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Anti: C’mere

Chase: why

Anti: just c’mere

Chase: no you’re gonna hit me


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Chase: we’re playing scrabble, it’s a nightmare

JJ, signing: what? Scrabble’s so much fun!

Chase: not when you’re playing with Henrik it’s not. He puts words like ‘iridiums’ while I put ‘pig’


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Marvin: it’ll be fine, you just have to seduce them.

Chase: I’m sorry, but have you seen me? I’m about as seductive as a cabbage


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Chase: Anti, get off the top of the fridge.

Anti, scoffing: ok, boomer


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911: what’s your emergency?

Chase: a monster broke into my house, please help

Anti: Chase we’ve been living together for three years

Chase, screaming: IT FOUND ME


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Jameson: chase, there’s an online trend I have a few questions about.

Chase: sure, what is it?

Jameson: it’s about losing a ‘game’? What does it mean?

Chase: GOD DAMMIT, I JUST LOST THE GAME

*chorus of groans through the ego household*


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Marvin, t-posing in the doorframe: good evening, parental figure

Chase, not looking up from his cereal: good morning, problem child.


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Chase: why did the chicken cross the road?

Anti: ...why?

Chase: to get to the idiot’s house

Chase: knock knock

Anti: who’s there?

Chase: the chicken

Anti:

Chase:

Anti: I won’t stab you on one condition.

Chase: what?

Anti: go tell this joke to Jackie


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Henrik: you need a hobby

Chase: I have a hobby

Henrik: being sad is not a hobby


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Chase, showering peacefully, humming billie eilish:

Anti, pushing the shower curtain away: hey man- no stop screaming, it’s just me. We’re out of Cheetos, can you get some later?


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Henrik: what do we say when we get anxiety?

Chase: my anxiety is chronic but my ass is iconic

Henrik:...no


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Chase, poking Marvin while he’s sleeping: Marv get up

Marvin: no, I’m dead. Leave flowers and get out


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Anti: what’s that infestation of tiny creatures over there?

Chase: those are children. It’s called a school.


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Anti: yo chase you think I can get this egg into that cup without it cracking?

Chase: pfft, no

Anti throwing the egg at Henrik: guess you were right


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If Jackieboy-man were asleep after like,,, a patrol or something, Chase would definitely be swooping a toy plane through the air whenever he snored


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Chase, bored: do you think I could fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?

Schneep: you’re a hazard to society

Anti, pushing Schneep away: and a coward, try twenty!


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Jse egos as things my friends have said

Marvin: “I cant find my pencil.”

JBM: “Don’t worry, we’ll find it. Nothing can disappear that easily.”

Chase: “my will to live can.”

Schneep: “I have like forty ikea pencils in my backpack and like a hundred more at home.”

JJ: “how often do you go to ikea?”

S: “like every other week”

Marvin: “I will yeet you into oblivion, you reprehensible shrew.”

Anti: “I will use your heart as a margarita glass”

Schneep: I don’t think there’s a gen y, I think we absorbed them

Chase: how many weenuses do you have?

Marvin: two?

Chase: oh yeah? Well I got tWO KNEENUSSES!

*anti kicks Marvin in the back*

Marvin: “ow! You coulda paralized me!”

Anti: “well that’s life, you win some you lose some.”


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