Mommy Issues - Blog Posts

Why is this chapter very satisfying!?📎⛓️🔗⚙️⛏️

Daminette December 2023: 18-Hiding in the Shadows

Marinette looked around her pent house in Paris. She had everything she wanted as a teenager. Well, almost everything. She was a well-known fashion designer, to the people that were aware of her. She kept her business a secret and used an alias. Her clients all came from judgement on her other clients. Others designers knew her as 'Passion' after her store's brand. Very few knew her as Marinette Dupain-Cheng: Gabriel Agreste, Audrey Bourgeois, and Jagged Stone.

Marinette had enough money to pay her rent, her fabric, all of her equipment, anything a business woman could need. Marinette herself, not so much. She missed being able to walk out and go sit at a café for a bit. When she saw Wayne Enterprise opened a section in Paris, she came up with an idea.

'Wayne Enterprises is a place that usually pays big. Even a part time job should be fine. A little play money couldn't hurt. A few extra euros so I could eat out, get some comfy clothes so I'm not rushing between orders and messing up wouldn't hurt.'

Damian Wayne sat at his desk, looking through potential applicants. Many of them were attached to big names or had one of their own. As he rang background checks, he could see they were all connected to each other in one way or another. He smirked at his idea.

'Let's put on a show. I want to see what kind of people these applicants are around each other. Would they out themselves?'

Mari was escorted to a waiting room as Damian Wayne got through other interviews. When the door opened, the last thing she expected was to see some familiar faces: Chloe, Adrien, and Lila.

"I don't know why you're even here, Dupain-Cheng." Chloe snarled, after the door was closed, "This is a big company that would love to work with our families. You have nothing going for you."

Marinette sat down and smiled, "Is that right? I guess I must have sent the wrong order to your mother and that's why she wore my design down the red carpet at the MET Gala."

Chloe tensed up and refused to meet her gaze. She could tell Adrien and Lila were surprised as well.

Chloe cleared her throat, "You're lying."

"Call your mother and ask." Marinette shrugged, "Oh, that's right! She doesn't like you; she prefers your half sister, who can actually work and living on her own, instead of leeching off of her Daddy."

"This isn't you, Dupain-Cheng." Chloe declared.

"No. This is me." Marinette shrugged off the concerned looks, "I'm just not being forced to coddle you to make Caline Bustier's life easier. 'Oh, just show Chloe some love, so she'll know what it's like and she'll get better eventually. You'll see.' Even she knew you were a horrible person. She basically thought you were The Grinch. That with enough love, your heart would grow three sizes and you wouldn't be such a bitch anymore."

Everyone was speechless at Marinette's attitude. This wasn't the Marinette that they grew up with.

"Chloe Bourgeois." a security voice called.

Chloe held her head high as she walked into the office.

"Damian Wayne." Chloe stated.

"Sit!" he demanded.

Chloe was shocked by his attitude.

'Doesn't he know who I am?'

"Do you know who I am?" she shouted.

"A spoiled brat; Ive read the articles on the internet." Damian stated, "You are known for crying for your father when you don't get what you want. Even though you are the oldest, your half-sister is who your mother relies on to bring customers for Style Queen in New York."

"My father-" Chloe snarled.

"Isn't the mayor anymore. He hasn't been the mayor in three years." the Wayne heir spoke, "If you're thinking of blackmailing me, you chose the wrong person. Spread whatever lies you want or cry to your father, the hotel owner. I could make one post about how horrid his hotel is and he would go out of business. Could you live with that?"

Chloe stood there, speechless. The only person who talked to her like this was her mother.

"I'm in charge, here, and if it came down to it, your job would be scrubbing toilets all day." Damian declared.

Tears formed in Chloe's eyes.

'He's glaring at me, just like Mommy. He doesn't look happy. He looks at me like he wishes I was gone or someone else.'

"We're done here." Damian stated.

Chloe quickly rushed out of the office. The three saw her rushing away, crying.

'I knew she wouldn't last.'

"Marinette, I can't understand why you're like this." Lila spoke, as she took her seat.

'He made that Daddy's Girl cry. I better go at this carefully.'

"Oh, shove it, Lila." Marinette sighed, "All three of us, here, know you're a lying manipulative bitch. You don't have to fake it."

"I don't know-" Lila continued.

"Adrien already told me years ago that he made a deal with you. He made one with me, too. Did he ever tell you that?" Mari questioned.

Lila glanced towards Adrien, who kept his head down.

"Oh, he didn't." she giggled, "You see, I was already designing for Jagged Stone when you arrived to our school. Adrien even had me autograph things I designed for him."

The model had turned towards Adrien and was now glaring at him.

"I could have made your whole 'tinnitus-kitten bullshit' story go up in flames since day one." Mari smiled, "I could have video called him and you would have been labeled as delusional."

"I took all our friends away!" Lila cried out, in victory.

"No." Mari answered, "You took away people, who were finally talking to me. Chleo ensured that for seven years, I had no friends. Those 'friends' just went back to not talking to me. You didn't actually do anything. If anything, you helped me. You took away the class president duties from me and I had more free time. You turned Alya and Nino away, so I couldn't babysit. I designed more clothes and got more clients. You didn't make my life worse, Lila, you made it better."

Lila fumed. Adrien had played peace maker between the both of them. From what Marinette was saying, she could have won the war in an instant! She thought she had chased Marinette Duapin-Cheng out of school all those years ago and here she was smiling, practially laughing at her, saying it wasn't true. She had thanked her and said she made her life better.

'I need this job so I can rub it in her face! I need to win against her!'

"I do hope you at least did some research into Damian Wayne." Marinette stated.

"I've known Damian Wayne since we were children!" Lila announced.

"Is that what it told you, you should say when you looked up how rich his family is?" Mari inquired.

Lila stood up, in rage.

'How dare she!'

"Lila Rossi." security called out.

Lila smirked, "I'm coming."

"She really should have done her research." Marinette spoke out loud.

"Why do you say that?" Adrine asked.

"Lila likes to play off her tears and looks." Mari declared, "Damian Wayne hates going to galas because of girls that try to attach themselves to him."

"And?" Adrien questioned.

"He broke an Italian model's arm two months ago, for lying to him." the designer stated.

Adrien paled at her words. Marinette merely smiled and pulled out her phone and dialed emergency services.

"Hello, what is your emergency?" the voice asked.

"I think we need an ambulance at Wayne Enterprise." Marinette stated, "I think someone's arm is broken."

"Are you with this person?" the voice questioned.

"No." the designer answered.

"I have sent medical to your location." the voice declared, before hanging up.

"That was pretty extreme, Marinette. I have faith in Lila!" Adrien shouted, "I don't think he would do that! The Waynes have an imagine to uphold!"

"Maybe, you should have done your research." Mari shrugged, "You still have time. Maybe five minutes."

Lila sauntered her way into the office.

"Hello, Mr. Wayne." She spoke, calmly.

"Sit." He demanded, not looking up.

Lila waved off his decleration. She moved past the chair in front of his desk and walked her way to his side.

"Can I sit on your lap?" She asked, "You see, I have tinnitus and-"

"There is nothing in here that would activate your tinnitus. Tinnitus is when you can't here anything for a brief amount of time, but a loud ringing. It's usually followed after hearing an extremely loud sound. I should know; I went to medical school." Damian stated.

'Shit. My usual tactics won't work here.'

Lila nodded and made her way back to the seat.

"Why shoud I hire you?" The Wayne heir questioned.

Lila fluttered her lashes, "I'm a model for Gabriel Agreste."

"Former model." Damian interjected, "You now model on Instagram and Only Fans."

Lila turned red. She didn't expect them to aware of her new lifestyle.

"Now, Miss Lerouch-" he continued.

Lila paled, "Wh-What did you call me?"

"Cerise Lerouch." Damian stated, "Did you think I would not delve into your background? I have to know who I am working with."

Cerise quickly leaped up from her seat and rushed around the desk.

"Don't touch me." Damian demanded.

"I'll do anything." Cerise cried out, grabbing onto his arm.

The Wayne heir growled, "Let go."

"I can help you relieve stress in other ways, you know." Cerise pleaded.

Damian grabbed her wrist and twisted it behind her back, harshly. Cerise screamed in pain.

"I have no need for whores." Damian spoke.

He grabbed the back of her shirt, arm still twisted, and walked her to his office door. He grabbed the knob and threw her out, in front of his security team.

"Drag this whore out by the hair, if you have too, but I want her off Wayne Enterprise grounds and blacklisted!" Damian shouted.

"Yes, Mr. Wayne." they spoke simultaneously, as he slammed his door shut.

"Shit, I think her arm is broken." the one on the left declared.

"She would call an ambulance?" the one on the right asked.

"Please, help me! It hurts so much!" Cerise begged, cradling her arm.

"You shouldn't have pissed him off." the one on the right declared, "Damian Wayne isn't one to mess around."

A man rushed towards them with medical workers.

"Did you guys call for an ambulance and someone with a broken arm?" the new guy asked.

"No, but perfect timing." the one on the left stated, "Girl with broken arm right here."

Cerise was walked by the waiting room. Inside, she could see Adrien looked horrified before turning to Marinette. She was smiling at her. Then, the baker's daughter flipped her off.

'She knew! That bitch knew how this would end!'

Cerise burst into tears as she was carted off.

"I guess that just leaves you and me, Agreste." Marinette stated.

Adrien began to feel uncomfortable.

"I do hope you do better than they did." She spoke, "For your Father's sake."

"Huh?" Adrien asked, confused.

"Damian Wayne isn't one to back down, not even to his father. He can make his father bow down to him. You have no idea how......attractive that is to a woman, Adrien." Mari smiled, "A man with a spine."

The model gulped, watching Marinette lick her lips.

"You should grow a spine." she declared, "Maybe then your father won't force you to model for him. I' sure that's why Kagami chose Felix over you. Your cousin has a spine. It looks good on him. Maybe, that's why Kagami didn't take my advice on how to get back with you after the break up."

Adrien only looked at her in shocked.

"Alya told me you broke up and I went to see her." Marinette continued, "I tried to help, but she didn't want to. She said it was better that way and well, Felix and you did look alike as teens. The same face with a spine; kind of hard to resist. They're so happy and their twins are adorable."

"Adrien Agreste, Mr. Wayne will see you now." the voice spoke over the intercom.

The model looked over at the designer. She waved at him, but said nothing. Adrien stood up and stood tall.

Adrien walked into Damian's office. It was intimidating; Marinette was right. He was scarier than his father.

"Why should I hire you, Adrien Agreste?" Damian questioned.

"I hate modeling. I prefer computers and science. I want to break free of Gabriel." Adiren admitted, "You don't have to worry about me telling him anything because I never learned anything about fashion. I couldn't even tell you the names of two different shades of fabric. If anyting, you should hire Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Marinette has always been an amazing designer. She was recognized by Father and Style Queen when she was only thirteen. She's the one who would know everything about fashion."

Damian hid his smirk behind his hand and looked down at the papers about Adrien again.

'What a miracle worker you are, Miss Dupain-Cheng. Agreste grew a spine.'

"We may have an internship available in our science department." Damian spoke, "Do you still live with your father?"

"Yes." Adrien spoke.

"We have a company home we prefer our interns reside in." Damian continued.

He noticed Adrien seemed relieved about that.

"The internship isn't a guarantee." The Wayne heir continued, "We need to see you commitment and dedication first hand. If you can't keep up, we'll put you in a different department. If you keep failing to meet our expectations, you'll have no choice but to keep modeling for your father."

"Tell him we'll work with him for one year, as a test." Damian continued, "You have one year to get your affairs in order. You'll need to move in one month from now and if not, consider the contract cancelled. I will inform them you are expected."

"Thank you." Adrien smiled.

Damian waved him off and Adrine walked out of the office, happy.

Marinette stood up when her name was called. As she walked towards the office, she saw Adrien smiling at a paper. She entered the office and closed the door.

"Please sit Miss Dupain-Cheng." Damian ordered.

Marinette immediately took a seat in front of him.

"Why should I hire you?" He questioned.

Mari shrugged, "You don't really have to."

"Oh?" Damian pushed.

"I'm only here for a part time job." the designer answered, "You know, helping out on the floor, coffee grabber, secretary gig. That sort of thing."

"Excuse me?" he asked, shocked, " Aren't you a fashion designer."

"With my own clients and I can pay for my own things." She smiled.

"Then why are you here?" Damian questioned.

Marinette sat back further in the chair and got comfortable, "Play money. I spend my own on my deisgns, fabrics, equipment, rent. Why not have a little extra to treat myself to a night out or a night in, for once?"

That was not the answer he had been expecting.

Damian laughed, "What if I decide to keep you?"

"Keep me as in?" Marinette pushed.

"I decide I want to become one of your clients." he offered.

"Are you offering?" the designer asked, "I've seen some of those suits you wear to galas and it doesn't bring you out to your full potential."

"And that would be?" he asked.

"You're outshined by your father, your older brothers, and the company." She spoke, "You can stand out, but maybe you want to fade into the back, less people to grope you."

Damian chuckled and stood up from his seat. He made his way around the desk and rested on it.

"What would you dress me in, right now?" Damian questioned.

"Depends." Marinette smiled, "Do you always wear a suit to work or are you interested in a change?"

"Tell me about this hypothetical change." He demanded.

"Ever heard of quick change wear?" She asked.

"No." he replied.

"It mainly takes woman into factor. Clothes that can go from working at the office to going out on a date or partying." Mari answered, "Just a few adjustments and possibly a new shade of makeup and usually people tend to think they took all day to get ready."

Damian took what she said into account, "And for men?"

"Most don't really have the option." Marinette shrugged, "Shame, but on you.....your figure. Well, there's nothing sluttier than a man wearing a sleeveless turtleneck."

The Wayne heir couldn't help but think of his old League of Assassin's outfits.

"No one at work would know if you have a blazer on and buttoned." She continued, "It is your office so you can always install a closet here and keep an extra pair of clothes. Jeans, if you prefer. Who is to say that this whole time, you weren't wearing sweatpants and just dressed from the waist up."

He chuckled ather way of thinking.

'Effective, but true not the less. I could kick out anyone who entered my office, should I choose to dress comfortably, and there was a closet hidden behind the cabinets.'

"Another thing most people tend to do is incorporate their culture into their clothing, as well." Marinette spoke, "Personally, I use apple blossoms in most of my designs for myself."

"Miss Dupain-Cheng, you are not what I was expecting." Damian declared, "I like to expect everything."

Mari smiled, "I've been known to be...unpredictable."

"You want to work part time in the fashion section." The Wayne heir stated, "Even if it's just grabbing coffee or lunch for others."

"Correct." she answered.

"Fine." Damian spoke, "You can work here, part time, at least three days a week. I f you have a big comission, I want to know about it. You can keep the details to yourself, but I want a time frame."

Marinette nodded, happily.

"I also want you to make me something to relax in the office that could pass for office wear." he suggested, "I'll pay for fabric of course. I can send you the details of my heritage via email, later."

Marinette stood up, "I'll start on that and bring it by Friday."

Damian grabbed her hand and kissed it, "I'll see you Monday morning, at 9AM, for work. We can go over your schedule then."

Marinette felt her face flush as his lips connected with her hand. His gaze was piercing.

"Yes, Mr. Wayne." She answered, flustered.

Damian waved his hand, dismissing her, but he still followed her to the door.

"You know, Miss Dupain-Cheng." He whispered, pressing himself to her back, "They may not be able to see it, but I see what lurks in the shadows. I can see what you hide there. I can wait a bit longer for the side of you that wants to come out and play."

"Is that so?" Marinette whispered back.

"I'll enjoy getting to know you, in the future." Damian spoke, before opening the door.

Marinette took a breath before she walked out the door.

"Marinette, did you get the job?" Adrien asked.

"Yes." she answered.

The model sighed in relief, "I told him you were good. I told him about Father and Audrey."

"Did you think I wouldn't be able to get it on my own?" Mari questioned.

"That's not what I meant!" Adrien cried, surprised at the question.

"Then, don't belittle me and my work." Marinette declared, "He already knew who I was. The Wayne keep a check on everyone and everything. Did you seriously not expect him to know about our families? He was probably listening to us in the waiting room."

Adrien gulped in response.

"Besides, I wasn't apart of whatever you three were fighting over." Marinette smiled, walking away.

'What did she mean by that?'

Adrien turned to see Damian Wayne leaning against the door, wearing a smirk on his face. Damian took notice of the model and hardened his gaze. Adrien gulped as Damian stood tall and closed his door again.

'What was he staring at?'

Adrien turned his head back down the corridor and saw Marinette speaking to the receptionist.

'He was after Marinette the whole time!'

'He already knew who I was.'

'He was probably listening to us in the waiting room.'

'Besides, I wasn't apart of whatever you three were fighting over.'

TAGLIST: @maribat-calendar-events @animeweebgirl@a-star-with-a-human-name@meme991001@vixen-uchiha@abrx2002@alysrose-starchild@fandom-trapped-03@dood-space@moonlightstar64@saltymiraculer@marveldcedits20@09shell-sea09@icerosecrystal@animegirlweeb@insane-fangirl-of-everything@blueblossombliss@nickristus-dreamer@megawhitleycalderonpaganus@missmadwoman@meira-3919@princessdaisysolosyourfaves@blep-23@fangirlingfanatic@darkhinauniverse@ravenr22@im-a-satanic-ritual@ravennm84@bianca-hooks123@a-slytherinish-gryffindor@starling218

So, I finally made compiled my full kin list and here are my observations:

1. Wow I’m a piece of shit aren’t I?

2. It’s the family issues for me, man.

3. ✨Trauma✨

4. No seriously, I’m such a red flag. 😭😭😭

5. They all have nice hair though.

6. I know most of them are total shitbags, but they’re my emotional support shitbags.

Feel free to judge me as much as you’d like.

Maybe if my mother and I

were much more different,

it would be easier to fault her

for everything that happened.

To explain all the pain

I am carrying.

Maybe if my mother weren't

sometimes soft

pinning the fault would

go smoother.

if she didn't have the

same outline I have

if we didn't laugh the same,

share the same freckle,

chin, and ears,

and have the same interests.

Why did the universe make us

so much alike.

To whom of the counterparts

does this curse belong to.

Do I then blame

her or myself

as her and I look at our

mirror images

mournfully gazing at each other.

Sometimes, I wish I could just run to you, and cry about my problems while you comfort me. But I can't, because I'm not that kind of kid, and you aren't that kind of parent.

“Your mother wouldn’t approve of how my mother raised me” but it’s the black family to their lovers.

can you hug me just one more time? I know what I am disgusts you just tell me you love me back one more time and I’ll stop being so messy I’ll straighten my hair and whiten my teeth and I’ll stop being so bad and I’ll stop talking about my. Best friend. With stars in my eyes and I’ll be a normal girl who wants a boyfriend just tell me you love me without the shame of lying in your eyes let me curl up on your lap and comb through my hair with your fingers and I’ll rip out the pink white orange stitched into my favorite jacket and I’ll give up on my dreams

hi im bee and i have immense amounts of parental trauma

Darya stood staring at her mother who she had looked up to her entire life.

This wasn’t right.

But she knew it was the truth.

And so…

She said to her

You’re no captain.

And I should have seen it long ago.

-

My dnd character last session and something close enough to what was said :D

My mother is just straight up cruel, i absolutely hate her for it. But at the same time she's like a friend towards me so i can't really say anything. I think she hates me too.

Reblog and put in the tags what trait you usually have in common with your favorite characters.

Me: am i evil cause i don’t let people treat me like shit and know my worth? Will that mean that i am forever alone due to my lofty standards (being treated like a person)?

My mother, 12 years earlier: you are evil cause you don’t let people treat you like shit and know your worth. that will mean that you are forever alone due to your unrealistic and lofty standards

girl, so confusing by charli xcx but it's actually about the relationship between my mother and i

Just some more of that pervy old lady and her 25-year-old college student gf

i used to think ill never let myself be like my mom, look at me now

will there ever be something as wrecking to me as characters crying for their moms. like seriously. give me a perfectly stable adult character, make them say "I want my mom" in a moment of vulnerability and watch me unzip my skin to use it as a tissue.

notes app poetry for the sad girls

december 15, 2024 — she-doom

TW: implications of self deletion and dubcon/$@ near the end

she's a gift from god, she's gifted with a future

she loves science and doesn't understand how to feel heard

she'll love without reason and betray her own slaughter

and she'll always hate being compared to her own father

but time will always tell, it's a curse of mankind

to make the same mistakes and watch it rewind

but she's a woman so maybe life will spare mercy

she doesn't yet know adam is His favorite progeny

and if you ever forget why you had her

she'll cry herself to sleep at night and harbor the same laughter

cause she's the one who bears your burdens and seeks your contentment

and she's born of your love and grown on your resentment

no matter what she does, shes trapped

inescapable are your hands that attacked

growing old to find comfort in men that touch

in states of her mind she refutes to such

she'll end up like you, scared and alone

gleaming knife in skin and bone

or maybe a rope and chair to a ceiling of stone

and she'll always miss the warmth of home

— reddestofscarves, 8:32 pm

The worst thing about the world is that almost nothing is black and white, no matter what I decide, it will never be as white as I wish it to be.

UUUUHHHH UHHHHHHH… I CAN EXPLAIN! Hear me out on Petra and María AAAAAAAIIII💯

Ok so fun fact I drew this in Starbucks with my brightness down and someone had some really good eyes to actually see it but they complimented me I wasn’t sure if it was just a joke or something, I just took the compliment and they left 😋 I’m actually kinda happy abt that. Anyways I’m gay and I like women

|| Vale, es un hecho tan divertido que dibujé esto en Starbucks con mi brillo bajo y alguien tenía unos ojos muy buenos para verlo, pero me felicitaron, no estaba seguro de si era solo una broma o algo así, solo tomé el cumplido y se fueron 😋 En realidad estoy un poco feliz por eso. De todos modos, soy gay y me gustan las mujeres||

Tú mamá lol

Follow my Twitter @/demseelorlo

My priv tumblr @/lockquelorlo

Sigue mi Twitter @/demseelorlo

Mi tumblr privado @/lockquelorlo

This post is so I don't keep the drawing posts so idle while I do a bigger drawing

It's a vent but still-

how I feel listening to Lana cuz I have mommy issues and a lot of problematic love placements and aspects in my birth chart

❄️ Christina Ricci and Vincent Gallo ❄️

Interview - Ethan

Hello, every-nyan! It was a hustle to convince Ethan, but he finally said yes to our interview! Are you excited, Ethie?!

“Hi, guys.” Smiles sheepish and waves. “Not really, but… for some reason, you want to know more about me, is that right? My name is Ethan Yaneh… or Ethan Price, I don’t know. And I’m 18.”

Relax, Ethan! I admit the questions might be personal, but we’re all friends here, no judgment! Let’s start with an easy one.

1. What would be your ideal date? ( @gojicorps )

“Hm… something like cinema, I guess? It’s quiet and you just enjoy their company beside you. Or maybe having a picnic with lots of fruits, pies and cakes.” Shrugs. “I’m not sure. As long it’s with the person I like, it would be my ideal date.”

Ah, the question has a continuation…

2. When will you acknowledge that you like Maya?

“Maya?” Ears warm up. “Uh… it’s kinda too early to tell I like her, no?… I mean, we did kiss, but it was in the rush of the moment, and I don’t even know her for real, and perhaps she was just kidding, she probably was just bored with the party, and she doesn’t take me seriously, and—“ Brushes face with hands. “Okay, okay, I guess you got it. Can we not pry in my shabby romantic life?”

Haha, sorry! We didn’t intend to make you blush! Let’s get a really easy question for you!

3. How’s your daily life with the Prices?

“Pretty normal? Or, actually, no. They’re extravagant, but in a good way. Does that make sense?…” Frowns slightly, leg bouncing. “Gosh, it doesn’t. Right, lemme try again— They’re very nice and come up with lots of funny ideas. Mr. Price isn’t always at home, but he does his best to keep up when he is, so… yeah, it’s great. It’s just a tiny annoying when I don’t want to participate in their stuff, and they tell me to.”

4. It seems you have met Sammy, your brother, before you get adopted; how was it?

“Ah, Sam is my friend since Elementary school!” Smiles. “I was more talkative back then, so we used to spend a lot of time studying, playing RPG and exploring…” pauses and smile freezes, “…my mum’s garden. It was bigger than normal gardens, you know? A kid’s dream. Full of flowers and birds. We liked it.”

5. The incident happened when you were still young; did you have someone to help you in the time?

Looks away. “The neighbors backed me. I stayed in many friends’ houses, but it was hard to stand those looks.” Swallows. “Dottie told me stay in their house, despite my insistence to not be adopted. I didn't want 'cause it felt… wrong. As if I was, like, trying to delete her from my life?… it was hypocrite.”

6. After it, did you notice any radical changes in your style of life or behavior?

“Yeah, obviously, I got quieter. And shy.” Bites the inside of cheek. “Insecure? The doctor said I had depression and problems with socialization, but apparently I improved. Dottie took me to therapy through the year, and I feel okay, so maybe the doctor is right. I hope.”

7. If you could come back in time and redo something, what would you do?

“There are many things… I’d have behaved better, I wouldn’t be so naive, I’d have loved more, I’d have lived at my best… but sometimes I wonder if it really would change anything.” Hugs cushion. “Maybe it was meant. Maybe I’ll be forever this miserable kid. I wanted to grow up, but how in Heaven’s name am I supposed to do that? They didn’t teach me. They just threw it over me and, ‘well, it’s your problem now.’” Smirks tightly.

8. It has been years; how do you expect to get over this after so long?

Silent, looking down.

“…do I need to get over it?” Mumbling. “She is my mum, I don’t want to forget the good things she did for me. If I do, who am I in the world? All I learned, all I am, came from her. I can’t just… brush her off.”

Ethan, you know this isn’t healthy for you. You probably already heard it, but you won’t grow until you move and try to change. If your mother truly loved you, she would want you to live.

“If she truly loved me, she’d be here.” Frowns and holds cushion tighter.

“…I don’t want to answer more…”

I think maybe I’ll be like one of those people on Instagram with the spam accounts where they post multiple times a day and by day three of following them you’ve met all their friends and know all about their mommy issues

Intrusive Thought

Before anyone freaks out, that's not Huan. Now we know who won the genetic lottery.

I was just sitting at my desk, drowning in assignments and projects, when an intrusive thought just bonked my brain. So, have this very messy sketch of what Huan's mom looks like.

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i love to see girls with pretty hairstyles:

braids and plats and buns and high ponytails-

hairstyles that would be impossible to do on your own.

hairstyles that would require someone behind you, combing and twisting your hair while you sit down uncomfortably and stare at a wall.

your mother ties a hair lackey before patting you on the back and telling you to go brush your teeth and put on your uniform.

your friends say that your hair looks nice today. some of your friends have half up-half down hairstyles. some of them have neat pigtails. one of them has their hair down.

you come home, your hair now tangled from pulling at your scalp. nails short from biting anxiously. lips bleeding from biting compulsively.

your mother asks you if you did well on the exam.

later that night she reads your university pamphlets.

on your last day of school, your mother sits behind you and curls your hair with a straighter she’s had since she was 27. it’s old and barley works, but it gets the job done.

you kiss her on the cheek before she tells you to go brush your teeth and put your uniform on.

your friends all look very pretty. their hair is straightened, curled, braided. one girl has the same hair as always.

you come home and cry in the shower. your hair is back to how it was before your mother curled it. it’s back to how it was when you were born. the first hairstyle your mother ever gave you.

later that night she makes your toast.

you’re in your university dorm room, and you can’t seem to get your hair right.

you try to put it in pigtails, but strands are falling in the back. it’s not neat or pretty- it’s lopsided.

you try to put it into a high ponytail, but the hair lackey breaks.

you try to curl your hair, but there are too many sections you can’t reach.

you can’t ask your friend for help. she doesn’t know how to do it either.

you can’t ask your mum, she’s halfway across the country.

so you let it be. your hair is down and unstyled.

you look around at your friends and teachers. their hair is all down. maybe in a low pony.

no buns, no braids, no pigtails, no half up-half downs, no plats, no ponytails.

their mothers are gone now.

maybe one day you’ll learn how to style someone’s hair. maybe you can sit behind a little girl and neatly put her hair in plats after watching hours of videos on how to do it right.

maybe one day you will sit down in front of your mother again. maybe she’ll kiss your head, brush through your hair with her fingers, and tell you that your hair is beautiful. she’ll turn to look at you and smile, gazing at the hair that she made.

it’s down and unstyled and natural.

it’s wavy or curly or straight or fluffy or frizzy or thick or thin. and it’s beautiful.

because she is beautiful.

It's so hard to not feel guilty about being upset at the people who mistreated you. Especially parents.

"But she gave me soup and stuff when I was sick. She even cried when I told her I was having dark thoughts."

Yes but she also basically told me to end myself, showed clear favoritism, frequently used corporal punishment, and a whole laundry list of other things.

It's so hard because she hasn't done too many harmful things as of recent. I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and it almost feels like I'm being overly dramatic about it now. It almost feels like maybe it was all in my head in the first place.

Then I remember that I was so desperate to get away when I was younger. Desperate enough to think about taking drastic measures. Desperate enough to dream about someone just taking me away from my family.

And then I feel guilty again five minutes later

Get this dog away from me right fucking now

Has anyone else’s mom ever just made a major decision that affects the whole family without consulting you? Only to put the majority of the responsibility on you? Even though she did it?  But you’re the asshole for complaining about it.