It's Always "we Will Represent Disabilities!" Until It Comes To Dystonia/atethosis/chorea/etc. Until

I'm f#cked up.

I'm tired, I'm tired of everything. All my hobbies became a daily routine, and I don't feel anything towards them. My friends started to avoid me after my vents, and I completely understand this. I'm tired of school, and I haven't got any straight to just get up or change clothes after school. All I think about is s3lf-h@rm and how much I want to commit su!c!de. I feel like my life is trying to force me to do it. I feel like it'll happen. And I know that I will commit su!c!de.

Sometimes it amuses me how if epileptic will have 6 seizures in one day, they will be hospitalised immediately and given treatment, while with dyskensias they just... Give the "Well, damn, but you're conscious during seizures." Yeah, I am, but why the fuck I had 6 in a row?? Sometimes, I think that tearing my ligament wouldn't be as hard as getting treatment, lol.

I wish I was hated in all my social media, so I could cut myself, not thinking about that someone is caring for me.

Okay, okay, I try to understand everything, but... why PE it's required? I know that sports it's important, and it helps being healthy, and etc, but why I should do sports when after run I feel nausea? Why can't I just do some exercises, and that's all? For example, I also have problems with hands (tremor, but for now I'm not diagnosed yet) and my tremor gets harder and harder when I do sports, and in the end I feel bad and humiliated. So why can't I just don't go on PE?

HOLY HELL, FINALLY A MONTH WITHOUT SELF-HARM, DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS, AND URGE TO SU!C!DE, INTERESTING, WILL I GET 2 MONTHS???

When people are saying that I'm sick, I don't really want to admit it. I don't feel like I'm suffering enough, like, c'mon... Isn't the word sick means just something more hard to bear? I'm literally doing nothing, but laying in bed and complaining about how hard my illness is, while I still can walk and do some things... Jeez, how tired I'm of these physical conditions...

people who watching my blogs or following me I luv y'all so much♡♡♡

I hate drinking meds! It makes me so sleepy...I mean... I just wanna read a book, not sleep!!.⁠·⁠´⁠¯⁠`⁠(⁠>⁠▂⁠<⁠)⁠´⁠¯⁠`⁠·⁠.

WHY CAN'T I FUCKING CUT MYSELF?? WHY CAN'T I SLICE MY SKIN AGAIN LIKE I USED TO?! I'M GETTING FUCKING TIRED OF THESE DISABILITIES, SEIZURES AND OTHER SHIT. I JUST WANNA BE HEALTHY OR ALLOWED TO MUTILATE MY BODY. I WANT TO HAVE THE CONTROL I LOST.

you seem cool :3 doing ok ?

Thanks!:33 To be honest I'm something in between relapsing and feeling apathetic, haha... I guess I'll just wait a bit until I feel better instead of cutting