Latest Posts by r3v3rie - Page 2

i miss her. so much that i can’t sleep at night anymore. nor can i shake the lead from my bones. i don’t know what to do- there’s nothing i can do but feel the pain wash over me like the waves crashing right outside my window tonight.

i had a cat. through everything i had a cat. i don’t have the cat anymore, and everything sucks.

reading in my bed is so hard now that it’s uninterrupted. i miss you my sweet girl, so so much. i hope the Gods are taking great care of you.

melencholia

had a dream where i texted michael and we just fought and fought lmfao. would happen if i reach out again fr

Suddenly (M.C.) annotation

i miss you, but also fuck you.

tired and full of void

the things I hate most in this world are myself and the fact that I’m still alive.

i miss you my dear michael. more than words could ever say. i need you right now, i wish i could just reach out and know you’d be there. i’m sorry, i’m so sorry for whatever i did and i wish i could make it better. i would if you’d just tell me. you’d say to jump at this point and id just ask how high.

i still love you, i still care. i hope you’re out there in the world killing it like you somehow always do. you are the smartest person i know, with both logic and compassion. you always will be.

i look for you in everyone. i hope that sometimes you look up and see the stars and still think of me. i hope you realize that for now we’re still under the same sky- so there’s time. there will always be time for us to fix things. i want to, i wish you did too.

i love you, i miss you.

-your little sister lucifer <3

the urge to bleed out on the bathroom floor while music plays in the background

the days repeat over and over and over and over and over and over and over and when and over and over and when will this end and over and over and stop please and over and over

i might be doing really terrible on the emotional regulation front but in my defense ive had a gaping hole in my chest since i was 12

feeling lots of feelings this morning. been running as fast as possible away from them through stupid literature and escapist fantasies. i miss the people i used to have. idk why they all left after i became a better person. why like me back when i was cruel and mean?

it doesn’t make sense. my life doesn’t make sense. it never does and it’s so fucking frustrating.

“always a death knell, never a dove”

i'm literally so grateful to the gods. i prayed and prayed and prayed, i tried my hardest even though it hurt, but i have a friend!! i finally did it! she gets me, she has this curse too. we love the same games and the same music. she's so wonderful and beautiful and i love her with all of my heart.

new fp makes my bpd brain go brrrrrr

michael and lucifer. the militant and the fallen.

wish i could see luc like i used to,, they put me on too many meds and now he’s just a voice in my head sometimes. like??? give me my friend back???? pls n thanks????

i hate being alone. i cannot stand it for some reason when the thoughts are bad. it’s just me and the voices tn fr :/

i just want time to stop, i want some weed and for life to wait until i can catch up. but it cant, and it could take me years to figure it all out, and i have to be sober against my own will.

i wish i still had michael. right now he would let me talk about the weight of the world that is currently squeezing the life out of my very lungs- until i physically could no longer keep my eyes open and it turned some ungodly hour of the night. he would hear my deepest darkest fears, he would hear how i have to face them to make the right decision, he wouldn’t make me do it alone like i currently have to. he would stand outside in the rain, or pick me up a pint of ice cream from three hours away, or just take me on a drive into utter oblivion. he would let me lay my head on his lap in the backseat of his car, or he’d help me grab a blanket to go stare at the stars, and he wouldn’t complain about how my tears are soaking into his clothes yet again when he finally coaxed me to talk about it all.

he would stand by me until i felt like i could stand on my own again.

i hate this. i cant do this on my own. i don’t have anyone who could let me talk this out in the way that i need to. i don’t even know what i would say, but with him the words would just tumble straight from my heart right out of my mouth.

i need that safe space, i don’t know how to ask someone to do that- i don’t even know if you could.

i’ve literally been lying to everyone and myself for years about how i hate kids, but my therapist told me that the fact that i as a 13 year old child wanting to stop the hypothetical that i have kids and fuck them up like my parents did to me is the most insane sign that i would be a good parent lol

she thinks i’d be a great parent :’) like idk little thirteen year old me is so secretly happy

better off without you michael- you’re just my eternal sunshine </3

michael i search and scan every damn tweet and every new song added to every playlist you make. i cant believe i meant nothing to you. after all this time, not one day goes by where you think of me. i’m not even worth a text back, an acknowledgment, a godforsaken breath in my direction.

fuck you. fuck it all. i wish i hated you. i hope you find everything you ever wanted in that fuck ass disgusting place you moved to. don’t come back, not now, not ever.

i hate how every man i ever love is a narcissistic, unfeeling asshole. i give up. i won’t make friends, i won’t love anyone, i cant do this anymore. being alone hurts, but mourning every person i ever lose for YEARS like they’re dead hurts way worse.

thank you michael, for ruining me. for ruining everything without so much as a fucking clue to what i could have done.

fuck you. hope you’re happy.

literally just want to die so for once my brain could SHUT THE FUCK UP

her name is Laura. she is witty and hilarious and just a child. fuck you. you horrible ass bitch, not even for hurting me but for fucking daring to lay your monstrous paws on her again after what you did the first time. you disgust me. your girlfriend disgusts me. move out of that damn house and grow the fuck up. asshole scum. may the Gods torture you for the rest of your godforsaken waste of a human life.