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Hawks: We’re having a moment, aren’t we?
Dabi: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.
Dabi: I love you. Hawks, not paying attention: What was that? Dabi: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-
Hawks: Are you busy? Dabi: Yes. Hawks: Cool, listen to this...
Hawks, talking about Dabi: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.
Mirko: You need a hobby. Hawks: I have a hobby! Mirko: Fawning over Dabi isn’t a hobby.
Hawks, staring upwards: So, Dabi broke up with me… haha… Mirko: Why are you looking up? Hawks: I need to cry, but my foundation was 48 dollars!
Dabi: Hawks and I are no longer dating. Hawks: Dabi, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.
Hawks, throwing his head into Dabi's lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Dabi, lovingly stroking his hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.
Hawks, at Dabi: You're my significant other. Dabi: Yeah I am! Hawks, at Tokoyami: You're my child. Tokoyami: Yes boss. Hawks, at Endeavor: You're my bitch. Endeavor: Yeah I am- wait, what? Hawks, at Mirko: My bestie. Mirko: Naturally. Hawks, at Shigaraki: HA, GAY! Shigaraki: Fuck you.
Hawks: Hey, Dabs, what do you think it would be like if we had kids? Dabi: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly. Hawks: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it? Dabi: Can't really say I have. Hawks: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes. Dabi: Sorry, birdy. For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.
Dabi: Pros and cons of dating me. Dabi: Pros. You'll be the cute one. Dabi: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-
Hawks: Yeah, a partner sounds nice, but a supreme enemy you can make out with in secret sometimes sounds a lot more hardcore.
Dabi: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake. Toga: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Hawks. Dabi, pointing his hot glue gun towards Toga: You’re on thin fucking ice.
Dabi: Fight me! Hawks: gets on one knee and pulls out a ring Hawks: Fight me for the rest of our lives.
Hawks: That was so hot, Dabi. Dabi: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenerate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets. Hawks: I'm so in love with you.
at 3am Twice: runs into Dabi’s room and turns on the light Wake up sleepyhead! Dabi: wakes up Dude! Twice: cackles Hawks: sits up from where he was sleeping behind Dabi What the fuck, Twice? Twice: jaw drops Wait WHAT-
Kurogiri: Just be yourself. Dabi: Really? Kurogiri, I have one day to win over Hawks’s parents. Dabi: How long did it take for you guys to like me? Mr. Compress: Couple of weeks. Spinner: Six months. Shigaraki: Jury’s still out. Dabi: See Kurogiri? ‘Just be yourself,’ what kind of garbage advice is that?! (joke's on him, if Hawks's parents actually like him that's probably a red flag)
Hawks: How much did you spend on this date? Dabi: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.
Toga, walking into Hawks and Dabi’s bedroom in the middle of the night: I had a bad dream. Hawks: What was it about? Dabi: No, don’t ask her that! Hawks: Why not? Dabi: Cause she’ll answer!
okay I'm feeling much better now that's all thank you goodbye
Jeanist: What's up, guys? I'm back. Dabi: What the- you can't be here. You're dead. I literally saw you die. Jeanist: Death is a social construct.
Inko: Hey, how are you doing today? Middle School Midoriya: Can we change the subject before I start crying?
Bakugo: Do you ever wonder why you're still single? Denki, eating mayonnaise straight out of a jar with a spoon: Yeah... I mean, I'm perfect! Who wouldn't want to date me? Bakugo, sighing: I can name a few people...
Kirishima: Don’t trust everything you see on the internet. Denki: Pfft. What possibly nonsense could come from the internet? Oh. Did you know that the Earth is actually flat? Kirishima: *Takes away B’s phone* Yeah, that enough for you.
Shoto, at Dabi's funeral: I need a moment with him. Everyone else at the funeral: Of course. *leaves* Shoto, leaning over Dabi's coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you're not dead. Dabi, sitting up in the coffin: Yeah, no shit.
Shoto: What is wrong with you? Dabi: Loaded question. Elaborate.
Tomura: PEASANT. I REQUIRE SUSTENANCE. Kurogiri: You know there are other ways to say you want McDonalds. Tomura: FOUL PLEBEIAN. YOU DARE SPEAK AGAINST ME— Kurogiri: sigh What do you want? Tomura: Chicken nuggets please.
Denki: *watching their house burn down* Denki: Denki: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.
Toga: When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart I think it’s so romantic. Two lovers on a date… one of them carrying a knife for some reason.
Mr. Compress: Twice, Toga, I love y’all and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing? Toga, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that B is sitting atop: Oh nothing much. Twice: I love you too :)
Endeavor: What goes up but never comes down? Natsuo: The amount of stress you're bringing to this family.
Dabi: *coughs blood* Shoto: Don't die, Touya! Dabi: Don't tell me what to do!
Tomura: How’s practice going? Himiko: Terrible. I want to stab everybody there. Tomura: Okay, just don’t get any blood on your clothes. Mr. Compress: …you shouldn’t be condoning this. Tomura: Don’t tell me how to live my life.
Incorrect quotes keep me alive so expect more
a little something inspired by my dad coming home drunk as shit from his work night out but as aizawa and izuku!
(also hello I'm not dead)
aizawa drunk as fuck coming home at midnight: hellos family.
izuku : omg your drunk?!
aizawa: no I'm dad.
izuku :... that isn't what I meant?
aizawa : what are you saying.
izuku :... how much did you drink??
aizawa : yellow. *passes out*
izuku :... this answers nothing.
izuku and aizawa qoutes part 9!
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aizawa: You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me.
Izuku : Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do.
aizawa : I'm not. I have to deal with it afterwards!
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Izuku : I know every song to ever exist it doesn't matter if it's from the past, present or the future.
midnight : Oh yeah? Then continue this.
midnight : I don't cook I don't clean-
Izuku : So let me tell you how I got this ring.
Izuku & midnight : .....
Izuku & midnight : GOBBLE ME, SWALLOW ME-
aizawa and the other ua teachers watching in horror : what the actual fuck.
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aizawa: An Apple a day keeps the Doctor away kid.
Izuku sleep deprived : An Apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough sensei
aizawa : Oh....
class 1a : oh oh...
the league of villains : I'm scared...
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Izuku texting the heros and student chat again at 1am
brokenbones : Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it.
sleepingbag : ...what happened?
brokenbones : I made a VERY bad mistake.
IamNOThere:.... young midoriya wtf
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aizawa lost of hope : Izuku , I need some advice.
Izuku mixing redbull and coffee into a 5 hour shot drink : You need advice from ME?
aizawa: Yeah, frightening, isn't it?
izuku nodding : mhm.... who died?
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aizawa, ordering Starbucks: Hey, I just got my heart broken, what do you recommend?
Izuku , who’s running the drive thru: …
Izuku : Tequila.
aizawa shocked : PROBLEM CHILD?
izuku : hey sensei
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Izuku talking to the Vestiges: so what was your favorite moment before you died? It has to be the closest to when you died though.
Nana: my very last moments when I flipped off All for One and gave a sassy hair flip, just before he crushed me with a giant bolder.
Banjo: That one time when I dropkicked All for one using my blackwhip
2nd, still in the corner: I made All for one cry once
Yoichi: when I escaped the vault and left a recording of my voice that was triggered by the vault door opening that had me cursing him out and telling him that next time he wants to keep someone in a vault to take care of their mental state too, because I'm coming for him.
Everyone: silence
2nd: when did this happen?
Yoichi: I had it recorded for a while, it was supposed to be either for my funeral or for a last message when i got out sort of thing. I set it up while you guys were getting some stuff to take with us back to camp but I had almost nothing to pack so I just did that and then shoved everything I owned into a bag.
Izuku: that sounds fun.
Aizawa, walking in on the conversation: Izuku who are you talking to?
Izuku, looking him dead (haha) in the eyes: dead people. They are talking about the best experiences they had before death.
Aizawa, tired: and why does that sound fun?
Izuku, forgetting to give Aizawa context: well, the one who is all for one's brother left him a voice recording telling him off once he was able to escape the vault he put him in, that's what sounds fun. Not being in the vault, but the voice recording.
(I will let you continue this before I get out of hand and use too much space for the ask space to handle)
(im just laughing my ass off at this it's funny as fuck thank you for the ask!)
aizawa sitting down next to izuku : okay so... what else was the others best moments?
izuku : nana flipped him off and did a sassy hair flip! Banjo drop kicked him with the help of blackwip! second made him cry! ans ofc yoichis! so someone else go!
aizawa pale : how did they die again?
izukj : all for one. they all died to him apart from the 4th!
aizawa : Oh....
en: I mean I told him to go suck a rubber duck before throwing a bunch of them at him..
izuku snorting laughing : YOU DID WHAT?
aizawa : what they do?
izuku : en threw a bunch of rubber ducks at all for one while telling him to go fuck himself with them!
aizawa chucking : okay that's good.
third : I gave him a clone nose and wig and told him to go be with his brethren
izuku : WHAT... HAHAHA FUCK OFF REALLY?
aizawa : care to share?
izuku : pffttt 3rd gave him a clown nose and wig and told him to be with his brethren!
aizawa snorting a little : pfft that's amazing
izuku nodding : well now I feel like I gotta step up when I die.
aizawa : no.
one for all users : absolutely not.
izuku : dahm shut down so fast....
izuku and aizawa qoutes part 8
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aizawa holding a bottle: is this whiskey or perfume?
izuku chugs entire bottle:..
izuku : It’s perfume.
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izuku : Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
aizawa : I think you mean cards.
izuku , pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not
aizawa pale : what the fuck kid?
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izuku : English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
aizawa : You need to stop.
mic laughing his ass off : I THOUGHT YOU THAT ONE!
izuku smug as fuck : yes you did.
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izuku texting the heros and students chat :
brokenbones: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao
sleepingbag : What did you do.
brokenbones : A MISTAKE.
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izuku watching aizawa break into his father's house : This is such a bad idea.
aizawa : Then why are you coming along?
izuku : One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.
aizawa with manic grin : hmm.... okay good enough!
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Aizawa walks into UA dorms and sees izuku with like 50 cats sitting on izuku asleep on the floor
Izuku wakes up: uggh what happened
Aizawa: I would also like to know that
Shinso: izuku was up from a week and decided yesterday that he was king of the cats
Izuku and aizawa: ......
Kota: the thing is the cats voted and now izuku is officially king.
Izuku:...... Sweet
(I just snorted my juice out my nose laughing at this thanks friend xD)
izuku :..... sweet I'm king of cats
aizawa looking around :.... I'm... I'm shocked but somewhat proud?
shinso : same here he got bastard the cat to like him idk how he did
izuku : their my children now and I love them
the cats all meowing at izuku : mewoooo
kota :... they said they love you too
izuku tearing up cuddling the cats : *snif* I'd die for you all.
aizawa : let's maybe not?
izuku shaking his head : no.
izuku now sitting up more : what else did i do?
aizawa smirking : you called mic a pussy ass bitch in English because he wouldn't let you down another energy drink
izuku pale : oh fuck..... I did that.... when?
shinso nodding : in English mic was so stunned he had to sit down for ten minutes to recover to be fair the class had to as well it was shocking
izuku head on hands as he groans : oh my god someone should have hit me over the head after that
aizawa : Oh so you don't wanna know what you said to midnight....
izuku : what did I say....
aizawa : she asked if you had a crush ans the thing you said back word for word was "the only crush j have is crushing anxiety and depression".
izuku : oh that isn't so bad
aizawa : You then proceeded to say "oh and the dead people who relay on me saving the world but we don't need to talk about all that"
izuku : oh that is so bad...
sleep deprived izuku qoutes part 1?
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izuku who hasn't slept in almost a week sitting in the floor in training after being knocked on his ass while the teachers and class ask him if he's okay:
aizawa : You good midoriya? can you hear me kid?
izuku : the sand is killing me.
everyone pale faster then before :
midnight : w-what?
izuku glaring at the sand : bitch ass mother fucker.
aizawa : okay you need a nap.
izuku glaring at aizawa now : go fuck yourself overgrown butterfly!
aizawa pale and a little bit shocked : I-.... what the fuck!
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midnight trying to get all the juice gossip out of izuku while he works in homework in the teachers lounge : So, midoriya , do you have a crush on anyone?
Izuku not even looking up from his work : The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.
midnight in shock : oh... oh wow..
aizawa nodding : mood.
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aizawa, texting: O
Izuku : What?
aizawa: Don’t read into that.
Izuku : But I will read into that.
aizawa: HOW?! IT’S A LETTER!
Izuku : Why is there a space after it, hmmmmm?
aizawa: Dude, really?
aizawa: It’s a fucking letter.
Izuku : It could stand for something!
aizawa: IT DOESN’T, I PROMISE!
Izuku : Like Oppression! Or worse…
aizawa: kid, I just typed the letter O, that means nothing. :/
Izuku : Optometrist.
aizawa: Oh my God…
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aizawa and izuku who are on an mission sharing a cheep rent apartment for a night while izuku hasn't slept in 4 days and is feeling good
aizawa, texting: Izuku , will you please go to sleep?
Izuku , texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up?
aizawa, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!
aizawa, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon?
Izuku , texting: I’m trying
aizawa, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH
aizawa, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky.
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aizawa: What's two plus two?
Izuku half asleep at his desk : Math.
aizawa: ...I will accept that answer...
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izuku and aizawa qoutes part 7!!
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izuku drugged up in the hospital : hehe
aizawa sitting in a chair next to him : what you laughing at bud?
izuku giggling : the lady in the corner!
aizawa now pale looking at the corner :wha... WHAT LADY IN THE CORNER?! AINT NO FUCKINF LADY IN HERE!
Nana Shimura : UGH rude! wtf man!
izuku giggling : ikr nans! so rude
aizawa pale :IZUKU WHAT FUCKING LADY? WHO YOH TALKING TO?!
izuku : da shush! your gonna wake the TV up!
aizawa done as fuck : I can't with you.
izuku : me too!
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izuku sleep deprived and running on 3 hours of sleep and coffee for the last 2 weeks staring at present mic :
the teachers : you good bruh? is he good aizawa?
aizawa : nope.
izuku : is your hair like that because you wanna be taller or because your a pussy?
aizawa spitting out his coffee laughing :PFFTT
The teachers laughing : OMFG KID? MIDORIYA HAHAHA NO! NO!
Mic in shock :.... what the fuck?
izuku glaring : you pussy.
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aizawa watching izuku stare at the wall for over an hour not moving or blinking by the looks of it :
... you good buddy?
izuku : the walls talking shit.
aizawa : okay time for bed kid common
izuku : they just said that your a bitch I'm gonna kill em.
aizawa pale : okay kiddo bed time.
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izuku shooting out of his chair one day during home room freaking out everyone
aizawa : what you good?
izuku : Im gonna to faint good night
class 1-a : what wha?
izuku drops to the floor
class 1-a : Oh OH FUCK MIDORIYA?!
aizawa : well at least he gave a warning....
I HAVE AN A03! WITH MHA ONE SHOTS POSTED ON THERE!!!
you should go check it out I've got something up already it's izuku centric story's!
Izuku: Dad, I talk to ghosts
Aizawa: so, you aren't just talking to Hagakure when I find you out past curfew?
Izuku: no, I'm talking to dead people. One of them looks like Kacchan and he keeps standing right next to him to freak me out and it's not nice and all of them need tharapy.
Aizawa; why do they need tharapy?
Izuku: one of them became a hermit and lived in the woods, and the rest of them were murdered by All for One.
Aizawa: *speechless* how have you lived with them?
Izuku: starts crying
(I don't know if you could bounce some ideas off of this but I appreciate the quotes you do. I think talking to ghosts in front of people is extremely funny especially when it's your adopted dad.)
(okay first off thank you for this omg! I'm crying but I have something in my drafts that's something like this that I wanna turn into a story so I might take some of this as inspo but! onwards to the qoute!)
aizawa : Oh shit uh! don't cry? idk? uh?
Nana Shimura : dahm he's bad at comfort isn't he?
izuku still sobbing : Hes trying his hardest nana!
aizawa : WHAT???
Izuku : one of the ghosts!
aizawa : I'm so confused and concerned for your health right now.
one for all users threw izuku : haha mood!
aizawa :OH WHAT THE FUCK HELLO?!
izuku still crying : that was them!
aizawa : uh okay uh right so my son talks to dead people okay cool cool I can deal with this.... WAIT IS THIS WHY YOUR ALWAYS FREZZING TO THE TOUCH????
izuku wiping his eyes : mhm they're clingy! it gets cold when they hug me or be around me rather then in my mind!
aizawa in shock : i need to sit down. I adopted one child but got.... how many?
izuku :... 7 and a half...
aizawa nodding : I adopted one child and got 7 and a half dead people for free.... whag type of deal is this?
izuku laughing a little : you and me both. I thought I was just getting a quirk but I got funky ghosts and 7 more quirks!
aizawa : i need a drink to even think about prosessing this.
one for all users threw izuku : our bad sir if it helps we were all heros and vigilantes..... except two of us
aizawa : Oh.
aizawa and izuku quotes part 6!
because its 7am I haven't slept and I have a 10 hour shift soon!
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Izuku , making a cup of tea: Yeah, get into that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce.
aizawa: Hey, do you take constructive criticism?
Izuku : I absolutely fucking do not.
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aizawa: You're alive.
Izuku : There's no need to sound so disappointed sensei.
aizawa : I'm not I'm just shocked
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aizawa: Izuku , what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight?
Izuku : Raise the dead.
aizawa: And what did you do?
Izuku : Raise the dead.
aizawa : why why do you do this.
izuku : I am just in a silly mood okay
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aizawa: What's wrong with you?
Izuku : Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.
aizawa : Oh... I'm adopting you now
izuku : yeah lam- what?
mic : STOP ADOPTING EVER SAD CHILD.
aizawa : YOU CANT STOP ME.
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Izuku : What goes up but never comes down?
aizawa: The amount of stress you're bringing this family.
izuku : hut its just you, me and the cats
aizawa : exactly. poor bastard is stressed.
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Izuku talking about aizawa : my dad taught me to think before I act.
Izuku now glaring at bakugo : ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.
aizawa proud as fuck : go get em kid!
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Izuku drugged up on hospital meds : Why's it called an oven when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food?
aizawa :....what????
class 1a : I'm so confused?
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izuku high as fuck on hospital drugs after the stain fight : haha pretty
aizawa and mic bursting into the room :KIDDO?!
izuku : ayeee! you made it!
mic : hey buddy how you feeling?
izuku smirking : they got me on the good shit!
aizawa laughing : oh my god!
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aizawa and izuku quotes part 5!
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Izuku , to aizawa: How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?
aizawa : i dont even... what?
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izuku walking into class late covered in dirt and blood holing a shovel : hi I got buried alive!
aizawa looking in shock : what? WHO?
izuku : shigaraki!
aizawa : is... is he alive still?
izuku : dunno! I hit him with the shovel on my way back!
aizawa pale : oh okay... uh... go clean up I guess?
izuku smiling : okay see ya!
class 1-a : wtf?
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aizawa grading papers in the teachers lounge : FUCK PROBLEM CHILD!
izuku somehow popping uo behind him to all the teacher shock : what up?
aizawa : read this and tell me if you understand
izuku : naw fam that shit wack.
aizawa : mhm okay good thanks bye
the teachers : wtf was that?
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izuku laying in the snow face first : death is coming
aizawa standing next to him :... okay
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again inspired by mine and @universalrainbow dms on thier fanfic!
aizawa to the media : do not anger izuku midoriya that's your only warning
the media : psht okay what ever you say
the media pisses off izuku and he pulls out a note book on live television and lists off all the crimes they've committed and their full name and quirk and the media is in fear : what.... the...
Izuku midoriya : don't fuck with me.
Japan : OH HOLY SHIT HE WASNT JOKING
ua staff even more scare :OH GOD HE KILLED HIM
all might nezu and mirko :THAT'S OUT BOY!
class 1a : Oh my god holy shit
bakugo :FUCK THEM UP CUZ!
Class 1a slowly turning their head to look at bakugo
Todoroki: writing notes
Bakugo:........$hit
izuku having a feeling bakugo done some stupid shit and he stops talking to the media and goes : for fuck sake katsuki bakugo what did you do!
Mina:HE OMNIPOTENT OMG
denki: how do u know that word?
Mina: I fell asleep on an information channel
everyone is just in fear even faster
class 1a is just in so much fear that izuku knows about all their wrong doings and thier not wrong he does
Izuku shooting up in the middle on class scaring everyone :SOMEONE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT AIZAWA SENSEI IM GOING TO BEAT THEIR ASS
Aizawa in fear : what....
Izuku in rage mode :THEIR 20 MILES AWAY GOOD BYE.
bakugo smirking :
class 1a : I'm so scared right now.
some inspired by mine and @universalrainbow dms about their fanfic!
no one :izuku walking into a ua meeting "hey dadmight, grampazu I'm going out with kacchan is that okay?"
ua staff shaking in fear :
nezu : of course! do you need money?
all might : of course son do you want me to call your sister to ascort yous?
us staff shaking even faster now
Izuku : uh I'm okay gramps thanks tho! and yeah sure dad! I'll see yous later! bye senseis!
nezu and all might : bye izuku!
ua staff shaking and not making eye contact : b-bye m-midoriya....
aizawa :YOU KNOCKED ME OUT
Izuku : you ran into a wall after saying and I qoute "not today Satan"
aizawa :... oh
inspired by the dms of me and @universalrainbow
THEY TURNED ONE OF MY SHIT POSTS INTO A AO3 FIC IM SOBBING
izuku and aizawa qoutes part 4!
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Aizawa: This is a very powerful artifact. You’d be messing with some forces we don’t fully understand.
Izuku : That sounds like a dare to me.
Aizawa: Oh my god.
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aizawa: Your future self is talking shit about you right now.
Izuku : Jokes on them. I'll ruin their fucking life.
aizawa worried :... kid you good?
izuku 'doesn't plan to make it past 28 'midoriya :I'm just peachy
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Izuku : Y'know, I once knew a man who said to me: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” He also had a pair of sideburns that would cause even Jude Law’s face to weep in forfeit. You put those lemons in a sack and beat your enemies with ‘em! And maybe if you beat ‘em hard enough the bag will split open and lemon juice will spray into their eyes, causing intense burning pains as you crush them into a citrus-y pulp!
aizawa: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Their heads or the lemons?
Izuku : Whatever caves first!
aizawa :... oh
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Izuku : Oh, fiddlesticks.
aizawa: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.
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aizawa and izuku busting a drug raid at 3am : Hey problem child , I’ve got an idea for how to solve this.
Izuku tired as fuck , pulling out a shotgun: Yeah?
aizawa: Wh- No! That’s not the idea, problem child! where tf did you even get that?!!
izuku deadpan : gun go brr
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some crack idea with the ofa vestiges and izuku +some aizawa
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izuku calmly talking to the vestiges in the living room fo the dorms : and then he said
yoichi : wait I head something....
Hikage Shinomori : yeah... nine hold on for a second
Daigoro Banjo :OMG WHO CARES I WANNA HEAR THE REST.
En :...its a person... who'd be up at 3am?
aizawa who's hiding behind the wall confused as fuck : what the fuck
izuku without missing a beat : aizawa sensei.
aizawa panicked even more because what in the fuck is going on : WHAT THE FUCK
Aizawa after a patrol getting home at 4am : oh god get theys FUCKING boots off me!
Aizawa two seconds later face planting onto the couch : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY DID I CHOSE TO LIVE LIKE THIS
Aizawa and izuku quotes part 3!
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Aizawa : Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?
Izuku: Oh, I’m always running
Izuku: The question is from what
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Aizawa : ya know kid I've never seen you look so tired you good?
Izuku :a few words ; fucking ghosts in my head are loud as shit
Aizawa : Oh makes se- I'm sorry WHAT?
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Izuku : What’s up? I’m back.
Aizawa: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead
Izuku : Death is a social construct.
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Izuku : I live purply on spite.
Aizawa : i find that hard to believe...
Izuku: all my live I've been told I could never be a hero and that I should just give up and kill myself. I'm purely running on spite and lots of coffee
Aizawa :.... OKAY WHAT THE FUC-
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Aizawa bursting into the teachers lounge :WHERE IS PROBLE-
Yamada :shhhhh cemmer he's sleeping
Aizawa :... What
Izuku Sleeping on the couch curled up like a kitten : mmmrhp
Aizawa 'this is now my child' : oh my god
Izuku shifting in his sleep : mmrhp
Aizawa now petting izuku's hair and izuku leaning into the touch and almost purring :oh. My. God
Midnight :he's little a little kitten oh my god!
Yamada : sho sho can we have him please!
Aizawa 'weak for the little kitten boy' : yes.
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Aizawa: Do you have any idea what you’re doing?
Izuku : Why start now?
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Aizawa and izuku quotes part 2!
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Aizawa: Well, I'm very sorry to hear about your mother.
Izuku : Mmm, we aren't really that close.
Aizawa: Oh, good in that case please sign theys *slides him adoption forms *your mine now
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Izuku : Hello aizawa , made anyone cry today?
Aizawa : Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30.
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Izuku : How petty can you get?
Aizawa: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.
Izuku :... I'm not even suprised to be honest
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Aizawa: Hey,what is that? water?
Izuku drinking out of a water bottle : It’s not water.
Aizawa: Vodka?! Problem child n-
Izuku : It’s vinegar.
Aizawa: …What?
Izuku : It's vinegar pussy.
Aizawa :... Why
Izuku : slurp.
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Aizawa after he hears izuku back story: I'm going the fight everyone who has insulted you Izuku .
Izuku : I hate myself.
Aizawa: Alright, square up were fighting too
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Aizawa texting the ua class 1a and pros group chat
Sleepingbag : I'm bored, any suggestions?
Problemchild : Sleeping is nice.
Sleepingbag: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I’m deciding to ignore it and you can't talk I saw you in the kitchen at 2am staring at the wall drinking out a coffee pot.
Problemchild :... Touché
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Izuku , holding a kettle: Coffee or tea?
Aizawa: Tea.
Izuku : Wrong. It's coffee.
Aizawa :even better pass that shit here
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Izuku : If I die, you can have what little I own.
Aizawa: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die?
Izuku : My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full.
Aizawa:
Aizawa: *Sighs* Let me call your therapist again.
No one :
Izuku cracking his knuckles during class : hm
All of class 1-a and aizawa snapping their heads to him instantly : DEK- PROBL-
izuku looking around : wow. Wow seriously.
Class 1-a : sorry... Its just.... Its you we can never be safe
Aizawa : i wouldn't put it past you to break your hand during class too.
Izuku deadpan sighing : I hate this fucking class.
Class 1-a :GASP. MIDORIYA! LANGUAGE!
Things that my dad and I have said while we're on holiday but as aizawa and izuku! And present mic as my mother part 2!!
....
Aizawa : it's to early for alcohol right now
Izuku : it's 6pm in France rn so
Aizawa :Welp pass me the bottle
Yamada : fuck it pass me it too
.....
Izuku : question
Aizawa : answer
Izuku : I.... Yeah okay nvm
.....
Izuku : hey can I get this?
Aizawa : will you use it?
Izuku : it's clothes duh.
Aizawa : eh sure then
.....
Izuku : I can't believe you've done this. My pride and joy long dog
Aizawa : you'll live
Izuku : no. No I won't father.
.....
Things that my dad and I have said while we're on holiday but as aizawa and izuku! And present mic as my mother
.....
Aizawa : honestly I hate driving I might just crash the car
Izuku :plz don't wait till my song is done at least
.....
Izuku: I might just jump out the car rn
Aizawa :not rn wait like 10 more minutes I'll speed up for you
.....
Aizawa :if I'm gonna buy you alcohol you may as well fucking down it
Izuku : fucking bet! Let's go
.....
Izuku : honestly I might jump off that clif in a second
Aizawa :ill record it
Present mic :... Wtf is wrong with you both?
Izuku : alot
.....
Aizawa and izuku as random quotes part 1!
~~~~~
Aizawa struggling to keep upright in their 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me
Izuku pointing at him and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.
~~~~~
Izuku : .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.--
[translation: I’M SORRY]
Aizawa : What's that?
Izuku : Remorse code.
Aizawa : I'm even angrier now.
~~~~~
Izuku : What’s up guys? I’m back.
Aizawa : What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.
Izuku : Death is a social construct
~~~~~
Izuku : *Stubs their toe* FUCK!
Aizawa : Mind your language!
Izuku : What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???
Aizawa :
Izuku : You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes
~~~~~
Izuku : I prevented a murder today.
Aizawa : Really? How’d you do that?
Izuku glaring at bakugo: self control.
Class 1a watching a horror movie :OMFG HOLY SHIT
Izuku deadpan :eh I could have killer her better then that smh
Class 1a looking at him scared as fuck : im sorry what?
Izuku looking at them : oh common it was armature at best he could have dragged it along more atleaset.
Aizawa :....problem child.
Izuku looking at him :what up?
Aizawa : therapy 12pm tomorrow.
Izuku :WHAT WHY
Aizawa :BECAUSE
izuku storming off to his dorm :UGH YOUR THE WORST DAD
Izuku staring at aizawa who's half asleep drinking coffee in the middle of the night in the dorms kitchen :
Aizawa who's staring back at him : can I help you problem child?
Izuku smiles : I see you have chosen cuddles.
Aizawa confused : what?
Izuku proceeding to approach aizawa ducking under his arms and just cuddle into the man :you have chosen cuddles
Aizawa still and still confused but suprised at how warm izuku is : h-how?
Izuku : don't question my ways sensei
Aizawa hugging him back slightly : don't really question it anymore
Izuku : good. Sleepy time now
Aizawa :yeah okay
No one not a soul :
Izuku walking past bakugo whispering : I'm gonna rip your hands off.
Bakugo :... WHAT THE FUCK NERD?
Izuku acting all innocent : huh? I didn't say anything are you okay kachan?
Bakugo slightly scared : NO WTF DID YOU JUST SAY?!
izuku : nothing? Are you okay did you hit your head too hard during training?
No one says anything for a good few seconds before izuku smiles everyone thinks it's his normal smile but to bakugo its his "no one will ever believe you bitch" smile
Izuku' cracking bones' midoriya : and so I was standing there scared child on my back and he was like brugh! And so I detroit smashed him so much he kinda just went belgh
All of class 1-a that wasn't at the raid :... YOU KILLED HIM?
Izuku 'I will murder for kids' midoriya : twas a logical rush.
The heros that were there for it and saw the aftermath :... Eraser your kid is fucking insane.
Eraser ' I will kill for theys kids' head : haha yep. My problem child
Pure crack dadzawa and izuku
Aizawa at the start of the year : oh god this problem child is gonna give me gray hairs
Izuku 'deku' midoriya : be gay break bones.
_____________
Aizawa after izuku takes a stab to the shoulder for him and doesn't flinch : wtf is this child made of?
Izuku ' fuck shit up' midoriya looking at the villian and smiling : tf you finna do there?
Said villain felling slightly scared : uh...shit fam my bad
Izuku : yeah better fuckin be
Aizawa slightly scared now : AYO WHAT?
______________
Aizawa sitting midoriya down in his office: I'm concerned about your habits to just put yourself in danger, do you even value your own life?
Izuku : naw fam my life suck ass Idc.
Aizawa 'I'm gonna adopt him' shouta : oh. Well in that case-
______________
Aizawa storming into a teachers meeting late, looking worse then usual : NEZDU WHY IN ALL NAMES HOLY IS PROBLEM CHILD YOUR PERSONAL STUDENT.
Nedzu smiling : smart boy very smart boy also very homicidal boy!
Teachers of UA :... Oh dear god we're fucked.