Curate, connect, and discover
I fasted all the way untill supper. I drank some tea, slept, and went up to the roof and listened to a podcast by shrouded head and binge watched YouTube. It's not even dinner time yet. It's 6pm and I'll tidy up by 7pm and shower then I'll start on dinner around 8pm. The sky is nice and gloomy this evening and I feel so lonely, dispaired and hopeless... I wonder if ill ever not be lonely someday?
Ich bin eine Art Schmerz, eine Art permanente Wunde, die sich erst schließt, wenn ich aufhöre zu atmen.
I dont see my therapist again until school starts and I've just unlocked a new trauma. I can only talk to one person about it and I'm freaking out. I hate this. I hate life. I'm so uncomfortable and upset and disgusted by everything. I was just starting to like myself.
I dont know what to do anymore. I try so hard and I always end up back here. I'm tired of trying to fight to get out of this. I'm just gonna stay in the dark and hopefully I'll be able to this.
I've been struggling so much. You don't even see it. I've been trying so hard to make things good again but nothing works. I put all of my effort into making us okay that I've started struggling in school. This is the worst I've ever done and I dont know what to do anymore. I'm so tired. I'm so damn tired
I feel so alone. I try to talk to you but I dont know how anymore. I ruined things between us and I don't know how to fix it. I'm not even lonely I know I have you but at the same time I'm so alone.
Life has lost meaning. Life has lost purpose. I'm so lost and numb without you. I can't do this anymore.
Had to reset the clock today. It's been a bad week. I want to lay in bed and rot now
Why cant I just do it? What's wrong with me?
I just want him to love me again.
When eating does anyone else feel like throwing up as soon as the food touches your tongue? Especially when it comes to meat?
I feel like I need them more than they need me. Even if I am that one that ruined everything, I still need them. I crave them. It feels like they could care less. It's what I deserve.
I wish I had the courage to end it all.
I'm tired of waking up every day and hearing those scoldings those fake things again and again.
I'm tired of pretending to be fine when I know I'm not.
I'm tired of comforting everyone, when I myself am depressed.
I'm tired of doin well and messing things up.
I'm just tired of everything
unfortunately, I'm very much still alive and kicking.
Is it possible to feel so lonely despite being around people?
Mental health getting so bad, I'm self sabotaging and ending all of my remaining friendships.
The feeling of emptiness when you're with people.
The gut wrenching feeling when people are happy.
The feeling when people ask the heart pounding question "Are you okay?".
The feeling someone is looking at you even at your own home.
The feeling when someone ask what's wrong with you.
The feeling of waking up.
The feeling you'll never recover.
I really want to end it all right now, its so damn tiring. What's the point in living anyways? I can't even bring myself to seek help anymore, why bother asking for help? I should just end it all, why i am hesitating? I am already tired, i don't see myself getting better either.
Living just keeps getting harder by the day, I don't know if i can keep going like this. I hate going to school. The way people look at me is so suffocating. The way people talk about me. Why do i have to suffer like this? Is liking someone a crime now? Just because i liked a guy? School isn't fair, they only got off with a warning. I can't even bring myself to look at people anymore, i feel like i am the one at fault, and not the victim with the way people look at me.
I hate highschool.
I thought that everything was going great and i was getting better, then everything started to go downhill again.
I wanna kms already
Stop acting like you know me.
The fact that you're feeling sick but your mother still forces you to go to school because it's friday
I promised myself i would stop cuttting, i guess some promises are meant to be broken.
How do i die in my sleep?
How do you kill yourself in the most painless way?
I can never trust anyone.
I should've kept everything to myself.