Latest Posts by r3v3rie - Page 4

I MADE A FRIEND!! i’m going to try my hardest to resist the bpd urge to put all of my eggs into one basket and stop interacting with other potential friends,, but he seems super cool and nice and reminds me of michael in some ways but idkkkk

i tried to see if anyone from my past wanted to be friends n no one did, so onwards we march 🫡

may the gods bless this new friend and hopefully he sticks around!!

things can't be different unless you make them different. I just put a post out there trying to make friends, and I trust in my Gods and the Universe to guide me to where I need to be.

The people who are supposed to be around me will be, and I will be the white swan.

positive change people, positive change.

i wish things could be different,

i wish things could be different,

oh my god and don’t even get me started on this OTHER girl who was my other soulmate on earth. from halloweens, to fake dating, and ice skating lessons after sleepy breakfasts.

i miss her, i hate that i threw up distance because she was leaving me and i hated her for it. i wish we could have had more time together, i wish distance didn’t force us apart.

i also miss this girl who i loved with my absolute everything i had in me but i can’t ever write about her, the loss is too much, the gap between us feels too big,, i don’t know where to start with her- i never did. but Gods above that doesn’t mean that i don’t miss her often. i tried reaching out first but idk, don’t have the confidence to try again. i got angry with her recently due to my idiot boyfriend not explaining a situation well, and i always having a worse bark than my bite.

she was more than all the moons and stars in the universe, how could i ever not miss her? my absolute other half, twin flame, soulmate, my person.

sometimes i wonder if michael stalks this account, he has no idea it exists, but i still get nervous to reveal specific details about him anyways.

i saw a girl on my fyp swinging a lightsaber and flashes of the night at the football field flooded my mind. Which reminded me of all the stars we could see that night, making me think about the backyard picnic- and how the summer night breeze rushed through my hair as i ran and ran and ran while you chased me all across the field. the way you would grab me and haul me over your shoulder as you dragged me back to the blanket giggling all the way. I thought about all the ice cream, and the parking lots, the 3am paragraphs, and the endless destination-less car rides.

the way we didn’t talk for years and you still remembered how to get to my house by heart.

i miss you. i cant yell it any louder. i miss you michael. but you left and i need to move on. but how am i supposed to stop grieving the man that i wrote about in my notes app- the one i said i was sure i knew in some past life somewhere. the guy i was sure saw me.

i’m sorry my disease riddled mind made me too difficult to deal with. i wish i could have been better for you, i really do.

don’t stalk spotifies unless you want to be fighting back tears in the bathroom LMFAO :’/

there’s a lot of things that i wish people saw about me but don’t. i wish people saw past my few episodes where i succumb to my symptoms. i wish people saw just how much i want to be good, to not be the way i feel i was cursed to be. i wish people saw that i pray for random people on tiktok going through hard things, and bawl my eyes out every time something sad hits my fyp. i wish people saw that i love stories and storytelling to get me through all that i’ve gone through. i wish people saw me as kind and caring and gentle and beautiful. i wish people saw how hard i try, in all aspects of my life. i wish people saw me in any way other than this horrible, mentally ill, unfeeling monster. i wish i wish i wish.

i wish the gods could fix me. i hate being this way.

i just want to be pretty. i want to be good and sweet. i hate being this way. i hate myself. i hate the world for turning me into this monster. i hate it all.

sad sad girl, smoking to lana all on her lonesome

strawberry smoke, watching hockey, reading good books, ice skating, the best dessert i’ve ever had in my entire life- life is so wonderful with him <3

i wish people thought that i was good and kind and caring, people only say i am if i beg them. i wish i wasn’t the scary shelter dog that everyone takes in. i hate that i’ll never be different, i beg the Gods to make me good, but they can’t. i hate myself, so fucking much all the time. it’s awful being this way, i was born cursed and bad.

bpd is a bitch. miss you forever and always michael, im sorry i truly am, wish i knew what i did so i could atleast try to be better.

it’s this pink haired girl, her pink vape, and her Gods against the world i think.

general appreciation post to my gods below:

Ares- i will never be able to repay you for all of the fight that you’ve instilled within me this semester. i made it through a shitload of work and some really god awful days without going to the psych ward yet this year. you deserve more appreciation than i could ever give and i cannot wait for the day that i will be able to properly worship and have an altar in your name.

Hermes- you were the one who started this all for me. without you i would have never discovered the light of the gods. i thank you every single day for this reason, and i will continue to thank you until the day that this life is over for always being my north star.

Hestia- i thank you for blessing my room (home) and my worship, and also the ability to subtlety pray when i can. Thank you Lady Hestia for all that you have given me.

Zeus- i thank you all father for the blessings you have given me, for the blessings i have been too blind to outright recognize, and for always being there. thank you.

May i stay pious, may i be a good person, may the light of the Gods continue to sine on me for eternity.

⋆ Black and Orange Thinking

⋆ Dog

⋆ Untethered

⋆ The Soldier, The Sinner 

⋆  Ballet

Maybe in another life I can be gentle. Maybe there my soul is kind.

life has gotten so bad. i don’t have anything in me left to give. i don’t know how i’m supposed to do my homework today. i just can’t anymore.

i wish you didn’t get distant and i didn’t turn mean.

i miss you every damn day.

life is so bad i literally want to kms lol :’)

The most beautiful thing John Green has taught me was the way out of the Labyrinth of suffering is alaska style (straight and fast). for me, my labyrinth is always my perfectionism during the school year. The only way to get out of the labyrinth though, is through. So, you put your head down and try your absolute fucking hardest and eventually it’s over until you have to start it all over again.

“The only way out is through” has been my personal mantra ever since i read looking for alaska during a residential stay. the book and the depth of its meaning are so very important to me and i could write essays upon essays taking about my personal labyrinths and how they are full of demons that i can barely outrun- but i won’t, i’ll save it for later. for now i have a labyrinth to escape.

:/

Recently I went to one of my favorite museums of all times, the Muskegon Art Museum, and discovered this new bronze by UK artist, Beth Carter, Minotaur Reading. When people think of the myth of the Minotaur it’s almost always in context of his violence, his lust, his impossible body. Here all that is swept away with this monstrous form reading a small golden book. This made me crazy happy to see.

no because this disorder SUCKS ASS. i read a heartbreaking fanfic and now i’m so fucking sad i want to die so i can stop feeling so fuxking SAD

that writer deserves everything they have ever wanted in life, that was the most beautiful piece of literature i’ve read in a while holy fuck

being “considerate of your bpd” my ASS, no improvement whatsoever, no regard for changing plans multiple times,, he just doesn’t fucking care it’s ridiculous like dez literally thinks we might have to break up and i’m thinking she could be right

i’m processing some tough stuff, i might post excerpts from the journals i have from them,, idk what to do everything feels like static

what if i like, just started manifesting that he came back? :D

(yes this is about who we all think this is about lmfao, im pathetic and need to speak to my therapist)