Latest Posts by r3v3rie - Page 5

i hate being emotionally deregulated, why can’t people just care?

damn. miss you a lot rn my michael

i hate that i can never give up on people, i want things to stop hurting so bad. he doesn’t care, at all. all of those years meant nothing. i shouldn’t care either.

forever lucifer ig

i cant even write about it, i tried, too many memories of being locked up in facilities. i know everything is all in that damn notebook but i don’t know if i dare look at it.

it’s so crazy how you think you forget something but your body just remembers. had a trauma flashback yesterday abt my residential stay which i thought was weird and sure as shit, two years ago today i was shipped off to nashville.

i completely had no idea the exact date but apparently i never forgot.

i’m obviously sad how hard would it be to say you love me, or maybe try sending something to cheer me up? anything?

This is the most in-your-face sign i have ever received in my time devoting myself to the Gods. I’ve gone to school here for two years, never have i seen any birds sit on that building (i’m a big bird watcher on campus), let alone like 30 giant vultures.

I see you Ares!! Our Gods are good :)

it just hurts to have such a strong word used against you. and not even any gesture apology has been given, how hard is it to send a three sentence paragraph? put a playlist together? apologize?

how do you cope with being everything you’ve ever feared?

my heart hurts, everything hurts, i leave teeth marks in everything i’ve ever loved

Gabriel or Lucifer, the sinner or the saint, Heaven or Hell?

the 7 of cups.

Gods please guide me, i pray for divine judgement, i pray for peace. I pray to stop being a horrible person.

mmmm bacteria lab specimens, yummy :D

meditated in a salt cave!! the gods totally knew i needed to cleanse myself after everything i’ve been through lately LMFAO

there is nothing better than praying to my Gods. i thank them nearly every day but i want to especially thank them for the blessings and grace they have extended towards my life. may my prayers continue to be heard, and may they bless me with this opportunity tomorrow. i’m nervous, but i know that everything that happens does so for a reason.

blessed be everyone <3

imagine like actually being appreciated lmfao

i don’t think anyone actually cares about me, i wish someone did. i wish things could just be enough, but there is a void inside my rib cage. and the thing is that no one gets it, there is no one around me anymore who actually understands because i just push everyone until they can’t handle me anymore. i want to not be here anymore.

i think i just need a different favorite person because this one is just not the fucking move

i give up on caring about people

if what’s happening is what i think is happening i will literally just lose my MIND.

curiosity the cat strikes yet again. god i hate everything

call me crazy but i think nightly hypnotherapy might actually be helping?? like i notice i just wake up sm more pleasant when i do it vs when i don’t?? do i actually go find a real hypnotherapist now??

i’m going to start screaming and crying pretty soon. like i am so SO tired of caring SO much for people who don’t even have the courtesy to officially end things.

i just keep getting abandoned over and over and over again and i will end up in the psych ward oh my god.

school and life is so draining, i just don’t even have the energy to write out my emotions. i’m just sick of being borderline and of being tied to [REDACTED] in this way. all i can do is keep praying and doing what i can, and maybe eventually through those i’ll get out of this damn labyrinth of suffering.

:/ both splitting on people and stockholm syndrome are so fucking stupid. i want to rip my ribs off one by one and throw my heart at the wall and just watch it splatter.

Untitled 9.20.23 Excerpt - "...casually smoking cigarettes out of the window of my childhood home. I don't know if it's the way the tar fills my lungs, or how the sad folk music plays softly in the background, or maybe it's the cold September breeze and the way I can see the stars- but I trust that the Gods will take care of me. I have no other choice. For tonight, I have given up. They have gotten me this far, and all of the pain has to be for a reason- right? I quietly pray into the night, for a best friend/soulmate to come back to me (I couldn't bear watching that stupid band play), for good grades, for my friends, for my ever-aging cat. I pray that my fate fares well, and that this horrible feeling passes quick."

all i can do is pray, so i do. but god does this hurt.

there is a single person on the face of this earth who would understand my pain, but yet they caused me so much other pain??

how that can be, i don’t know. thats the point with irrational thoughts i guess. they never make sense.

struggling to eat again, my therapy for this week had to be cancelled, and i feel like i should die. will i be sent back to the psych ward? probably not. do i want to be? kinda, i don’t feel good :/

me when i’m off my meds lol

when you're a child and you stay up past your bedtime you get punished by your parents, when you're an adult and you stay up too late you just get punished by the ghosts and spirits and demons and such