Ed Relapse - Blog Posts

il punto è che amo mangiare.

ma odio la sensazione di pienezza, di sazietà, la nausea.

odio il modo in cui trasforma il mio corpo, il suo continuo depositare grasso sulla pancia, sulle gambe, sulle braccia, sulla faccia.

odio il fatto che, per mangiare anche solo una mela, debba sbottonare i pantaloni, perché il mio addome si gonfia così tanto che non ce la faccio a sentire la pressione dei bottoni contro di esso.

odio il fatto che io non possa più vestirmi come una volta, perché non mi va più niente di ciò che mi piace, e perfino la gente attorno a me ha notato che vesto solo di tute e maglie larghe ormai.

odio i sensi di colpa dopo ogni pasto, odio il pentimento che deriva dall'aver mangiato l'ultimo boccone anche quando stavo già per sboccare, odio il fatto che io sia l'unica delle persone che conosco a non avere un bel fisico, soprattutto da nuda, e ciò mi fa vergognare terribilmente poiché sono fidanzata.

odio tutta questa rabbia repressa per me stessa, odio tutti questi dannati chili di troppo.

e un po', talvolta molto più di "un po'", odio me stessa per aver permesso che ciò accadesse, per aver permesso a questo corpo di diventare com'è ora.

13/10/22, ore 02:38.

my friend just mentioned something about a freshman 15 and ig it’s a thing when college freshman gain 15 pounds during their first year and i’m terrified 😭

YALL IF YOU WANT TO BE TRIGGERED GO WAYCH ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD OMFG

there's some hippies in it and they are all like so so pretty AND thin omg I just like to look at thinspo pictures I think they're just so nice but they just give me a vague feeling of want BUT THIS MOVIE MOTIVATED ME LIKE HELL 😭😭😭😭

idk why the pose is weird but like the outfits are bomb in the movie too

im baaaack. fell off the wagon a bit 😔 but I have prom in June so I NEED to lose as much weight as possible. I ain't gonna be remembered as the fat bitch. I refuse 🖐️😒

tell me why tiktok decides to show me food videos when I'm relapsing? like bitch, let me ⭐ve in peace 😮‍💨

I’ve been binging the entire week fml… Somebody hold me accountable that I’m gonna restrict again from tomorrow 😭

Does anyone know if ana groups on Kik are still a thing? And if so, does anyone have a group I can join?

They made me throw away my weight loss pills….. Now I’m anxious and scared I will gain weight again 🥲

i really will never be happy because my body will forever be disgusting no matter the weight

Guys i completely failed only bc i felt so such today starting a new fast now had about 1200 cal today:( gonna try fast till Friday night that’s 40 hrs wish me luck!

Hi guys starting account rn I’m a young adult who recovered from a ed years ago but want to get at it I have been trying loose weight for ever but I’m serious now I’m currently 71kg at 5’7 bmi is abt 26 my gw is 63 ish kg ugw is 55kg wish me luck will be starting with a 3 day fast pls message if u wanna be ana friends I need all the motivation I can get

Doesn't eat > weight stays the same > frustration > binges > drops 2kg

WHAT

Parents: Have you eaten today?

Me: Yes (lying)

Today I had two slices of a carrot.

sustinence

Today's meals

Breakfast: black coffee 2cal

Lunch: Plain shirataki noodles 10cal, a pickle 7cal

Dinner: Sour pickle 7cal

Total: 26 calories.

Steps taken: 862 (Lazy day), burned 37 calories.

Girl dinner <3

The feeling of my stomach growling is so much better than feeling full.

Today I had a pickle and some broth

#skinny ✌️🤪

Stepping on the scale over and over again, hoping that the number will somehow go down.

I'm shivering, my head is spinning and I feel tired, food repulses me...

I feel better than ever.

Buying cute clothes that are too small for me just so that I have more motivation.

Tiny legs and big shoes <3

I can't wait until I can lay on my side and my stomach fat won't spill over.

My holy grail: shirataki noodles.

Only 10 calories in 100 grams, fills you up and won't make you fat.

I've let go, I got so busy with life that I forgot what I was striving for. But now I will get back on track, I have more free time now, I will finally look how I used to, weigh what I used to.

CW:80

GW:55

I love how little I have to drink when I ⭐ve myself in order to get drunk, what a money saver

Teaspoons >>> Tablespoons

This must be a sign lol

The debate whether I should have breakfast to get me through classes or to keep on fasting.