Selfharrrm - Blog Posts

no one

it doesn't matter how hard I'm trying to pretend that everything is okay.

it doesn't matter how sad I am and I've been all these years

it doesn't matter if I cry or if I destroy my body

it doesn't matter

because no one seems to notice

are they blind? are they ignoring me?

i know I'm not important but anyways I was at last expecting a kind of hero.

do I have to scream? because I'm already aphonic

and tired

of crying

of feeling more than lonely

of my mind

especially for this dark shitty awful pleace that we call mind.

of me

so I'm sorry if I give up

it's not your fault.

it's mine

all mine.

because I don't see the world the same you as you see it

i only see black and white

more black than white

more darkness

in this emptiness

in me.

I just want to stop overthinking every second of my life about this

about how useless I am

about all my defects

about things I can't do

about things I've done

about things I should have done

about things I should do but I know I'm not going to.

so that it, basically

my existence is nothing

just because I'm nothing.

I want to commit suicide.

Fuck recovery. I wanna cut.

Unfortunately I started self harrrm again and yes I am just getting back into therapy

UMMM

just relapsed for no reason...its weird like.. i just wanted to...ALSO! my mom took my pills because shes scared i will try to ki11 myself lol

RAAAAH SAME ME RAAAAAH

Bro i have a therapy tomorow,my mom discovered i sh days ago and im so scared she will tell the psychologist..i know its okay to tell her and she will understand but i always freeze and feel embarrased when my mom is talking about it...she thinks im doing it to be fuckin cool...like..

IM ACTUALLY TWEAKING

Bro staying clean is fuckin HARD...like i can't relapse😭my parents will definetly know theyr like some damn FBI agents

IDK ANYMORE

i have a therapy tomorow...SO EARLY IN THE MORNING THO AAAAAAAA...im kinda happy to see my therapist! but still...i CANT tell her everything...my parents would literally kill me if they discover my Sh Addiction...

BRO RAAAH

why tf do i keep hurting myself even when im okay and happy?! like im fine today but i still did it...i dont have control over my damn body

BRRUUUH

HAHA NOT ME CVTTING MYSELF AFTER POSTING HOW WONT DO IT💀

why the fuck do i still miss that person?

He made me hate myself..I cried every night because of him, I started hurting myself because of him, I wanted to di3 so much but I didn't even have the energy to get out of bed...he manipulated the shit out of me,totally ruined me

why do i still miss him...

Is it wrong that i like my scars?

i like the way they look,i want more

BRO💀bro~😲

My dad brought a box full of razor blades from work...🥹ummm like...is it a gift orrr

IM FUCKIN SHAKING

i relapsed like So fucking much its deep as fuck im crying idk what to do

i had a dream about sh..it was so fuckin detailed broooo

im two days clean from sh

i know its not really speciál but its a really big step for me

just did a Sh aftercare fór the first time damn I deserve a price😭umm i went too far this time ehhhhhh

eh im still alive

I haven't post anything for three days because im kinda Fighting with my mental health...its shitty oh god i just want to hurt mself

Yesterday I was happy that my cuts were healing....i fucked up today..

I lost my Blade?!!?!! like i dont give a fuck but like WHERE IS IT what if my parents founds it im cooked

edit - nwm i found it...I am such an idiot im literally laughing rn oh god 😭😭🖐🏻🖐🏻💀

im kinda scared i think one of my cut is infected 💀umm 😭😭

i love the feeling of blood dripping down my leg and arms...

ughh..blood soaked through my favorite shirt