Bpd - Blog Posts

"but it was a joke!" okay well your joke made me want to kms but thats fine since you were just joking ig

tw! vent below the cut

i just wanna talk to someone.

have a real, honest, personal conversation. not one that only lasts a few seconds.

maybe that's because nobody wants to talk to me.

maybe im too boring, or too much.

maybe im too weird or too dry.

maybe its just all my fault that nobody wants to talk to me.

im sorry that i cant be normal. im sorry im imperfect and just wrong. im sorry im not made up to your expectations

i really want to be "human" what does that even mean?

like everyone else

but i guess i wasnt built for that

i just want more attention.

i just wanna be reconigzed.

i want people to see me.

but the only way they will is if i hurt myself.

so maybe ill cut more often.

but that would be selfish of me.

so ill stick to craving for now.

ngl but if im giving u attention its basically like someone trying to hand you a billion dollars and yet some motherfuckers want to be like "ehhh i dont really want the billion dollars. Maybe some other time." What the fuck.

Lachrymose

lach·ry·mose

/ˈlakrəˌmōs/

adjective

tearful or given to weeping."she was pink-eyed and lachrymose

i wish i could trust someone fully

(questioning) bpd culture is never trusting anyone including yourself…. especially yourself

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oh my god princes chelsea is a genius... i love this song so much all the interpretations of it are so relatable it's insane it's legit a bpd anthem

bpd culture is not informing anyone it's your birthday and hoping people will remember because you'd feel like an attention seeking whore if you randomly started informing people that it was your birthday? like who cares? they all have their own lives. I'm not entitled to a happy birthday. then crying and feeling physically ill when certain people forget or don't say anything to you.

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when they start hanging out with you less, stop showing enthusiasm, stop answering your calls and then you gotta make sure to leave first before they do 😆😆😆

kinda wanna leave. kinda wanna ghost everyone. kinda wanna rot under a blanket. kinda wanna feel loved. kinda wanna feel wanted. kinda wanna

*goes through a hard time*

Me: I must be pretending

*feels incredibly lonely and wants to talk to someone*

Me: ew I'm too needy and weak

*experiences shitloads of emotional pain*

Me: stfu you're not a baby, gulp it down alone like an adult

gave me a personality disorder

but being numb/feeling empty is a whole another level of worse.

sometimes the emotions get so intense that i'd rather be numb.

BPD makes relationships almost unbearable. I think I'd just assume be alone. Then we can heal. And move forward. Plus, being alone doesn't sound half bad. I won't hurt anyone that way.

I don't want to panic about all these small things anymore

I’m just always scared that everything will only keep getting worse. Scared that it’s and endless downward spiral leading to a lonely ending. All these small things keep reminding me of the fact that there’s nothing I have control over. A part of me still wants to control everything even though I know that’s impossible.

animation abt bpd abandonment issues

Cassie in blue is just like me, especially the crying scenes

I blame them.

someone please see i’m struggling and be gentle to me!!! wipe the blood from my skin, hold me, kiss me, comfort me until i feel like something, until i feel like i’m worth existing

I’m trying so hard not to feel this way, to hate him, to feel resentment. But it’s so hard when all he does is talk about that friend. Idk if I’m hurting because it’s so easy for him to make close connections with people, or if I’m hurting because the guy I need to be around 24/7 doesn’t want to be with me 24/7.

I need more friends. I wish it was easy for me to meet and talk to people. To be close to others.

He left. I now feel so empty and like I need to fill that void again. It's only a month until I see him again but it's gonna be a long month and I'm going to be in a mood about it the whole time. At least I'm covered in marks from him I guess.