Depressing Shit - Blog Posts

loneliness and emptiness

i need more friends

Indeed.

the future is terrifying

when you cannot remember the past.

what happened to me?

because why can't i?

i wouldn't say so

how i look at someone who asks if im ok

girls when they remember.

why do i have to be happy for you. im not.

well okay that's not entirely true. im happy that you're happy. i'll always be grateful for your happiness. but jesus fucking christ why why why WHY can't i have the same things you have and why can't you just be mine.

oh well. that's what drugs are for.

yeah no it's totally cool that you left me on read for 6+ hours after i finally reached out to you after an of entire week not speaking im totally not frothing at the mouth or anything

10 days sober off klonopin and sh and all i wanna fucking do is relapse !! is it even fucking worth it to keep this up !! all i fuckin want is someone to talk to and be actual friends with but i guess that's impossible !!

Whenever I get horny nowadays I just start hitting my head with my fist over and over

it's pathetic how much i fucking hate you. i can't fucking stand it. i hate that you're out with your fucking friends and ignoring me. you know i want you to be happy but why can't you see how much of my happiness you're responsible for. why the fuck did you get me addicted to you like this and then just fuck off.

I think everything is just supposed to be fucking miserable all the time.

i hate snapchat memories lol. just saw some pics from 5 years ago of me and my friends on call when we started online school during the pandemic and it fucking stung way more than i anticipated. these people don't talk to me anymore. they've all moved on with their lives and im still drowning in the past by myself, wishing they'd come back to get me. they have partners and new friends in our old city, and i got forcefully pulled away to a whole new province without my permission. i get to start all over again with friendships and family i don't want in my life.

i miss my friends.

why am i even bothering with sobriety and cleanness at this point. all i wanna do is be high and forget how fucking miserable im gonna be for the rest of my life. just for a few hours. but i cAnT because tHinGs WoNt EvEr gEt BeTtEr iF yOuRe uSiNg. who the fuck cares if it gets better at this point? it obviously fucking won't. i'm trapped in this fucking disgusting body forever. the least i can do for myself is make myself happy for a little while.

it is 11:40pm. i logically know that my friends are asleep and not deliberately ignoring me. does that stop the mean angry gnome in my brain from telling me they despise my existence in their lives? absolutely not

and the worst part is that the only person i have to talk to, is said mean angry brain gnome. 🙃

because everyone else is asleep. 🙃

am letting tumblr decide, should i get high on klonopin tonight? 👀👀

chat should i actually block every single one of my friends from my hometown and completely isolate myself in another province

weed does not fucking cut it at all anymore and im out of klonopin that means it is time to shed my skin suit and fly into the sun someone pls distract me lol

"read 2 hours ago" okay what if i just block you and you never hear from me again instead

is anyone else's mother a passive aggressive cunt for no reason or is it just mine

theres something about being called "buddy" by someone who used to call you their "babyboy" that really just stabs me 87 in the chest

might fuck around and get high on klonopin for the first time in awhile 👀

how the fuck do you make friends.

everyone else in my life gets to go hang out with their friends and go home to their partners and i hate it. i really hate to say that i hate seeing their happiness. it's not that i don't want them to b be happy and lead good lives, it's that im a fucking dumb jealous asshole.

everyone makes it seem like them and all of their friends just clicked together. there was no awkwardness at the start and everything just went so smoothly. meanwhile i can't get past the awkward small talk phase with everyone and it's completely discouraging. I dont want to end up alone. i don't wanna be forced into the shadows while i watch everyone else have a life besides me because i just flat out didn't deserve to have one.

tldr someone pls become unhealthily obsessed with me and i will offer the same in return

you know when you're talking to your friend who you also used to date and they're talking about their new love interests and it's all you can fucking do not to lose your shit and split on them and just listen and congratulate them because logically you love that person because they are your best friend and they also love you but shit just didn't work romantically between the two of you but now every time they talk about it you wanna put scissors in your ears because you feel so fucking lonely and disgusting and unworthy of the thing that everyone else has but you don't??

no me neither

hello tumblr people in my phone im back and worse than ever

if i see one more national boyfriend day post im throwing myself into traffic

i think all my friends want me to kill myself lol

why the fuck are you all i think about it's been over a year since we've been together and were still best friends but god all i fucking want is you and i fucked it all up and it's all my fault that we're not even together anymore because i couldn't love you in the way you needed to be loved and it fills my heart so impossibly full to see you happy with him but fuck it makes me the most miserable ive ever felt because i know i'll always be alone i'll never have what i had with you again and i don't think im ever gonna forgive myself for giving you up but you deserved better than me for a lover goodnight tumblr