Actually Bpd - Blog Posts

YOUR SO FUCKING BASED FOR MAKING FUN OF RADQUEERS. LET ME JOIN

OMG!!! thankk u its cause i normally dont know how to shut thr fuck up during my bpd episodes, or as my therapist puts it im “transparent” with my words 😋😋

this user dump :3

Low key thinking I'm not ready for any relationship other than one with a therapist at this point. I need to get my shit together but y'know I have friends a boyfriend and a bunch of complicated feelings plus the burning want of affection. KMS istg.

s3xu@al assault really makes you feel like you’re only good for sex and sending nudes and that the only way to make things right with someone is letting them use your body huh hahahshhdbxnd

⋆｡˚꒰ঌ INTRO POST ໒꒱˚｡⋆

♡ hello! my name is aiko, i’m 20 years old, my pronouns are she/aid/cut, i have bpd and audhd, and i’m a lifestyle jirai! ☆ ₊˚⊹

⋆｡˚꒰ঌ BYI / DNI ໒꒱˚｡⋆

♡ BYI : i am an adult! please keep that in mind before you talk to me. i will NOT post nsfw but there will be heavy themes on this blog such as s/h, si, body dysmorphia, obsessive thoughts, abuse, bpd splitting, and more things of that nature! warnings will be tagged in posts :3

♡ DNI : bigots, proshippers, pedophiles, the usual. minors may follow but please do NOT dm me!

⋆｡˚꒰ঌ EXTRA ໒꒱˚｡⋆

♡ i encourage you to use my ask box to ask me questions and to send things in anonymously! i am here to give recovery tips if anyone has any questions about that as well. ^_^

♡ my discord is angelphoria if you want to add me and bmf!!

the way i am going crazy because you won’t PAY ATTENTION TO ME!! ^_^ !!!!!!

poem about splitting inspired by 50 first dates.

Drew my character Doodle. They have BPD and often experiences feelings of loneliness, abandonment, depression, anxiety. Desperately wish more people understood BPD, and wish they understood that we're not evil people with some agenda to ruin your life.

He's also aroace, which already makes him feel a bit lonely, like he's missing something in his life that everyone else gets to experience.

Anyways. Love Doodle and he's relatable. Clown is also his gender, no, I won't answer questions. Thanks!

I spent so long being told/believing that I had to have a rational reaction to everything despite the fact that I am in fact a walking talking well of emotions

i want to be hugged.

i want someone to stroke my hair.

i want someone to tell me they’re proud of me.

i want someone to hold my hand in public.

i want someone to tell me everything’s gonna be okay.

i want someone to softly caress my skin.

i want someone to teach me their hobbies.

i want someone to explain to me stuff i don’t understand.

i want someone to give me forehead kisses.

i just want to feel safe, for once.

whole life convincing yourself that you’re emotionless, cold and unbothered only to realise many years later that you created that version of yourself because in reality you couldn’t bare the thought of being vulnerable in any way

and when you finally realise that it’s not something to be proud of you also realise that it’s too late to re-learn everything

you feel great shame because you finally see that you weren’t actually strong - all of it was a weakness. the thing you hated the most. you couldn’t embrace it

and worst of all - you realise that you’ve become exactly like the person who hurt you in the beginning

My mindset daily:

I'm a god -> I should kms -> I want to get better -> I want to get worse -> I'm so silly>_< -> fuck everything -> I feel so fucking numb.

Caving into the impulsive thoughts to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay.

"you can't change, you'll always be a monster"

What about you can't change, you'll always be a kind hearted person who sees the best in people. And maybe the people you've met so far haven't deserved it but one day someone will and they will be the best experience for both of you

im sitting naked on my floor

smoking and listening to music

and this is the most at peace

i have felt in a while

i hope sonic knows that if he was real i would kill him instantly oh my GOD i love him so much i need him GOOOONE. HELP MEEEE (/j i wouldnt but i am definitely the intense type ,,, heeeeeselp]

“it’s your choice” “you have options” “you know what to do” actually i am very much not well and giving me a ‘choice’ that has no outcome that makes everyone feel good is making me wanna kms!!!

all these expectations. fuck you and fuck everyone else.

do what i want!!

no do what i want!!

nah bro what about what i fucking want. i can’t deal with this anymore. every outcome just ends up with me wanting to slice my wrists open, hang myself from the ceiling, jump from a bridge and EVEN THEN none of you would care.

“we didn’t even notice” man stfu i’m clearly losing my fucking mind and HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS.

lord just let this end, please. i’m begging with everything i have. please.

i’m such an unlovable piece of shit but god please just let me feel loved just one last time before the silence

Unfortunately this sounds so me

date idea: u tell me exactly how u feel about me in specific detail until my brain calms down and stops thinking u hate me

It's amazing how fast you can be on the other side

...

Just a few minutes can end all of your suffering.

Just end. End of your mentally ill. End of your all insecurities. End of the reality you hate. End of the body pain.

...

Hm, i think that actually attempting was a big sign yk? But they just ignored that. It's just puberty, just the mistake of youth... No it's not.

And maybe, just maybe I failed because God or someone in the sky wanted me to do something on this Earth who knows? I still have something to do, something to feel, something to see as the person who actually is here now, not the next Incarnation who will be.

...

It's not the suicide letter, but I feel that suicide thought comes back....if I fail I hope you find my soul stuck in that text...

Oh nice she's ignoring me my bpd screams.

Being an only child with a bad relationship with your parents and food isn't for the weak.

God damn how much I hate myself. I want to kms but I can't do it. So I will just eat something more today anddd I will make a new piercing instead of cutting.

I feel like I’ve done something wrong and no one is making me aware of it. It’s making me anxious anyway have a Juliet