Latest Posts by a-devoted-mutt - Page 2

call me your pretty boy.

your angel, your darling, your slut.

i don’t care, as long as i’m yours.

i am never going to be good enough.

you’re going to leave like everyone else.

whether it be because you got bored, or because i upset you, or because you realize i’m just not worth it,

you’re going to leave.

and i’m not ready for you to go just yet…

you could be seeing red and all you'll stay being is needy. that's your issue, angel.

– ✘

my issue ? my issue?

why don’t you say these things to my face, jimmy. why are you so intent on making me humiliate myself, more than i already have?

tw. you know the drill.

i’m nothing but a devoted mutt. a dirty, cheap whore. a disgusting, vile being that exists only for the pleasure of others.

i need someone to adore, someone to hurt me and love me, all at the same time. without a special person, a favorite person, i’m useless.

what good is a useless mutt?

i’m awful. no one will ever need me like i need them. i’m too damn needy…i cry when i get degraded too harshly, and when i get praised because i don’t deserve kind words ever, and when you leave me alone too long.

no one will ever need me like i need them.

not to be a slut but can we hold hands while you stroke my hair and tell me you’re proud of me

Nobody is afraid to lose me. I never mean that much.

If I could be anything I wanted to, I’d be dead.

how do i care about someone without my entire existence revolving around them or is that just my default setting forever

i wonder where the “x” anon is…

“that’s ok i understand!!!!” but it actually made me sick to my stomach

the undeniable, deep-rooted urge to call them some sort of title, some sort of ranking.

because they’re simply better than me, and i must address them as such. correct?

don't fucking say i'm the one imagining things when you're more over your head than i am. now; think you can be a good boy and tell what's going on in that head?

– ✘

good lord, you’ve sure got a mouth on you, jim.

i don’t feel like publically exposing myself, telling the world exactly what’s wrong. you’re welcome to dm me, but that’s about as far as i’ll go.

regardless, you’re being silly, jim. i’m perfectly fine!

tw.

my skin is scrubbed raw and red. my head is pounding and i’m shaking feebly. as i run the water, washing the sink out, watching red and clear mix and swirl down the drain, and as i wipe the spit from my lips, flushing the toilet and watching nothing but bile swirl down it’s own respective drain, i slump agains the wall.

is this really where i’ve gotten myself in life?

you're sweet when you cry, captain. glowing, even.

– ✘

sweet? glowing?

i’m not crying. at least, not anymore

you must be imagining things.

we can't both be miserable. give us a smile.

– ✘

who says i’m miserable? that’s just silliness!

:D

i want to be loved in the same amount that i love.

a scalding hot shower, the warmth pelting my raw skin, sounds appropriate for not being able to handle an entire hour.

the swirl of reddish pink down the drain makes me reminisce on my better days.

it was so much easier when we all wore jumpsuits on the tulpar.

i’m going to burn in hell. and i’ll take nothing but the sweet memories of you with me.

this is turning into a vent blog, and i hate it. i’m supposed to stay happy, and blissful, and the one people can depend on.

i’m a sorry excuse for a captain.

I’ll never be enough for anyone

God, I fucking hate myself

Doesn't matter how much effort I put in, right? It's hard to love me.

you act like i don't know these things about you, grant. as for my mood shift, maybe i lighten up seeing you try to defend yourself.

what's got you in a mood?

– ✘

i’m in no such mood.

and i apologize for assuming. that was quite silly of me, considering how long we’ve been friends!

it’s my account and i can do what i want with it. TW.

the taste of copper in my own mouth is overwhelming.

what i wouldn’t give to live normally. live without the consistent craving of the intimacy and abuse cocktail.

i want to be hurt just as i want to be loved.

the difference is, i deserve to be hurt.

and it pains me, knowing that i could just as easily be thrown away. i’m nothing special. i know that. we can pretend that i am all we want, but i know.

i know that, if i were being auctioned off, no one would try. “next up, it’s captain grant curly! starting of at a hundred, anyone?….anyone?….”

i know. i know i’m damaged beyond repair, i know i’m worthless. everything is so heavy right now, and that’s quite alright. i was made to carry burdens. the weight of holding everyone’s secrets weigh me down, and as i fall behind, the growing ache in my chest throbs.

what i wouldn’t give to lay my head down in your lap, let your fingers run through my hair, and let the world go quiet. even then, i wouldn’t be worth a penny. but maybe, just maybe, i would bring you the barest hint of happiness.

i need to clean my room. i need to pack my bag. i need to do my laundry. i’ve been living here for almost two werks, and i barely packed enough clothes to last me three days.

what i really need to do is shut up. because no one gives a damn. i keep telling myself, “get it together, grant.” and then i continue messing things up. i need to be guided.

i need to eat. i can’t remember the last time i ate.

y'know, oblivious. blissfully unaware. i'll give you some credit, though. i'm in a better mood. surprise, surprise ":^[

– ✘

i try to not confront certain things, especially if it’s negative. i act “blissfully unaware” in that sense.

what’s got you in such a good mood?

the sleeves of my hoodie are tear-stained. i’m shaking like a leaf. i’m a grown man, dammit. it has been 2 minutes. and yet…

I'm always fucking up everything, no matter who I talk to and no matter what I do. I'm sick of this.. Can someone please just bash my head already?

I just want to be soft

Why am I so angry, so harsh, so violent, so destroying.

It’s unfair

feeling unwanted ruins my whole fucking day

i am genuinely so over myself and how i act and what i do. it makes me sick