jaxr3l

Latest Posts by jaxr3l

Same Kanato same~ How i be like with food, literally me *stab stab* 🔪💜

Im Sorry for yapping and venting... but I think it's just me or if there are others who feel this way... I like to abuse myself. Not sure if it's from trauma in the past or something I know it's so unhealthy but I can't help it I like the pain and it's the only thing I know to make myself feel loved... sadly. I'm so alone I want to experience relationships and be in a relationship not sure if it's going to make a difference for me what love truly is I really don't know... I just want a boyfriend hahaha~... he's out there somewhere in just have to wait for my moment for that man. Again I'm so sorry for ranting alot today!

Although the thoughts of suicide haven't left, i think about them every day. It's a bit of a turn on to think about and at the same time, I want to experience the pain and death. When I say Death I laugh at the word. Because I feel aroused and I think about my death and other things that come along with it. I know I'm strange I'm sorry but it's true... by the way I still plan to cut and sadly shamelessly masturbate... just to get my mind in the clouds.

I'm going back to crying over everything. I hate it. I hate how alive I feel I hate this feeling i wish I could go back and be the pale lifeless emotionless person I was, I loved feeling so numbed and zombie like where I didn't cry for everything or worry about anything, I wish I was so tired and fragile like I was. These infusions and pills... are ruining me. Thanks alot.

I hate to ask... what's a really good razor or something to cut with?- I have been cutting with a razor to shave, but that's not enough I used a knife and it's just not what I'm looking for. Any recommendations? Please thank you!

Why am I always the blame for everything? Am I an easy bunching bag? Does your verbal abuse really know how to humiliate me? I guess I know why I always saw myself so low and ugly

I took my first shot of Coke.... I HATED IT!!!! BLAAAAAAHHHHHHAGH!!!!!!!! 🤮 now i gotta work my ass off to lose 50 pounds today! THANKS FOR RUINING MY FIGURE AND DIET

The com of shame

I hate thinking and regretting my actions of eating or what I ate it's not cool. I break my promises to myself now I have to punish myself and think about it, living in regret and restricting myself, thinking about what I can do better for next time. Time out, throwing up in a corner until I get rid of all the dirt and ugly out of my small empty stomach and everywhere.

Blood on my wrist, i wanna die (I couldn't resist i just had to. I said only one cut and got carried away, haha! Not only my wrist, i did my chest too, and maybe next time, my stomach and legs)

Welcome to the losers club!~♡♡♡

You'll float too! 🎈🤡 we all float down here

My heart burns there too❤️‍🔥

Beep beep Richie~

Hiyo silver away! 🚲

I want to run towards something, Not away (Sorta)

I hate feeling so alive, I want to be a corpse cold, pale, and sleeping.

These infusions and pills... it's making my body feel human. I look healthy, I don't like it it's ruining my image

I don't want this i want to be back feeling dead and not healthy looking like. I hate being and looking like a human.

I'm crying really bad, I need to cut, vomit, masturbate

I so bad crave wanting to watch IT 2017 movie so bad!~

I matured too quickly. I regret it

I've been feeling weird today, not broken, not happy, just odd, i came home and ran to my room crying really bad. I calmed down and apologized? To myself and others not sure why maybe because of my odd feelings today, i got told i was rude, selfish, messed up, retarded ect and went back to my room and cried again saying I'm sorry to myself over and over then touched myself for comfort but then regret it feeling ashamed then went to sleep. BTW I threw up, i didn't eat much today, but to get off the weight, me, haha! Also did a bit of workout. Good night♡

I'm not good enough

♡I don't want you feeling ignored♡

I just wanna say, if anything happens... to me. Thank you. All these thinspo pictures and photos are so motivational and inspiring and so very beautiful. But I'm slowly dying and might go to a hospital for force feed. I don't want to go to the hospital nor i do really want to die, the doctors said for me to open my eyes and change and get my head screwed on because I'm in danger to myself. Haha! Trust me, I know what I'm doing. i don't need you guys to yell at me because I already know what I am doing to myself, but nobody will understand, but myself. I'm not sure what will happen later, tomorrow, somewhere in the future, but I'm not going anywhere (I hope) again. Thank you.

Don't you just look at food and go EUGGHHHHH🤢🤮

#anorexia #feeling

AH YEAH! KEEP THOSE THINSPO'S COMING IM FEELING IT!

I am actually so happy to be anorexia. Want to know why? It really grosses me out and disturbs me when I hear "I'm sorry I can't help it I love food" LIKE EW GET AWAY FROM ME!!! DISGUSTING🤮🤮🤮🤮

Whats better then sex?

SIMPLE :D not eating or cutting, sleeping, crying and dying! :]

How are you

Good... I'm not actually I'm not okay

Literally the only thing that's keeping me sane on not trying to end myself is him. I try so hard just for him... ♡

If I don't reply, well you know why 🔪 #vent #kms

Oh my god... those thoughts... the suicidal thoughts are getting aggressive again!..

You can go ahead and laugh at me about my goals I might delete this or never so lmao

I so bad want to die. When I do think of it, i masturbate or cut myself to smack out of it I guess to get my mind to pull myself together Lmao #vent

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