Latest Posts by maboon12 - Page 2

Zeus: my sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand

Apollo: can we agree to not tell mom about this

Artemis: this isn't even the most disappointing thing I know about you

Ares: trust no one in laser tag. No one.

Poseidon: yes, I'm a douche. But I'm a high quality douche

Hades: Dude, chill patience is a virtue

Ares: WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE? WHY CAN’T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?

Hermes: I’ll be there in 5 minutes. If not, read this again

and persephone is back to getting dicked down by hades in the underworld

Zeus: is the Chipotle past the strip club?

Poseidon: why is that your only point of reference?

Zeus: just answer the question

Persephone: I know it was you because you’re the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup

Hades: …soup is delicious

Poseidon: your room smells of hookers

Zeus: and success

Aphrodite: Ares just told me that I make him happier than drugs. That’s some serious shit right there

Dionysus: How do I get Ceberus from licking me? I’m scared he’ll get drunk off my sweat

Poseidon: I woke up with my shoes on but my pants were in the fish tank

Zeus: For future reference, singing “eye of the tiger” outside my door while I’m having sex makes me extremely uncomfortable

Athena: apparently not uncomfortable enough to stop

Poseidon: Hades's office is warmer than mine...it must be cause he has the gateway to hell under his desk

Ares: Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.

Persephone: it was probably bad to sleep with someone cause I wanted to pet his dog, right?

Dionysus: when was the last time you got laid?

Hermes: when was the last time you came home sober?

Dionysus: touché

Zeus: i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again

Poseidon: I give it a week.

Ares: Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...

Hades: Is it wrong for me to wish my dog had arms to get me a beer?

Persephone: Just made a secret hand shake with my husband's dog. Boredom at its finest.

Hades: Wi-Fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family, they seem like nice people.

Greek Gods As Things I’ve Said

Zeus: I may be a whore, but I am a whore with power.

Hera: Denial and homicide- my two favorite coping mechanisms.

Hades: The fact that you all haven’t realized that I am probably going to be your landlord in hell is sad.

Poseidon: The ocean is full of plastic, just like the world is full of idiots.

Hestia: Ah, home. Mine constantly feels like it’s on fire, especially when it actually is on fire.

Demeter: Eat your goddamn grains you whore.

Aphrodite, screaming: JINGLE BALLS, YOUR DAD’S SMALL, I SUCKED DICK LAST NIGHT-

Ares: I’m not saying violence is the answer but if these math problems were people they’d be dead already.

Apollo: At least we have music and memes to dull the pain that is our existence.

Artemis: I don’t want your number you stupid male I want to hunt you down and end you in the woods because it contributes to the mood, now fuck off.

Dionysus: Wish I could just run off in the woods and rip people apart and get nasty.

Hermes: The future is meaningless but the thievery is now.

Hephaestus: If hitting it with a hammer doesn’t fix it, you’re not hitting it hard enough.

Athena: I have come to the conclusion that I will be alone simply for the fact that everybody else is fucking stupid.

Persephone: Fuck you mom, you make my life more like hell than actual hell.

therapist: and what do we say when someone upsets us?

hades: i’m going to send your soul to the fields of punishment for eternal torture?

therapist: no.

Them: what are your plans for the future? :)

Me: I am going to have three sons and name them hades, poseidon and zeus, and teach them all about the underworld, sea, and sky respectively then create a time travel machine and send them back to Ancient Greece with iPhones and beats by dre so they confuse everyone

Hermes: Putting 'uwu' at the end of a sentence makes that sentence cute and unharmful.

Aphrodite: I love you uwu

Hephaestus: I just got food uwu

Ares: I'm gonna murder you uwu

Hephaestus: Please don't do that uwu

Ares: No promises uwu

poseidon, eating a jar of Nutella at 3 am, crying, after starting 53 arguments that very day: why can't we all just get along

Asra picking up a call: hello?

Julian calling Asra: I need help, it’s MC

Asra: what’s wrong!?

Julian: well, ever since they got their memories back, they’ve been saying strange things

Asra: what kinds of things?

Julian: well once they yelled about a potion bottle being empty, and then they threw it across the room screaming “yeet”??

Asra: … Jul-

Julian: and another time we were at the market and they screamed “fuck yo chicken strips”?? and they’ve also been doing this weird motion with their arms and calling it a dab?? do you think Lucio is trying to possess them or-

Asra: calm down Julian, I think I know what’s wrong

Julian close to crying: what is it!?

Asra: I think they have Ligma

Julian: Ligma?? I’ve never heard of that, what is it!?

Asra: lig-ma-nuts!!

MC who has been listening in behind julian: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Julian: *SCREAMS*

Hades: ALL RIGHT LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE SHITS

Hades: Raven, not you, you’re an angel and we’re happy to have you here.